Ouch, Charlie

This is not technically a restaurant review. This is more of an ode to one of the greatest restaurants that Chicago has ever seen, one that will be closing in just a few weeks. Needless to say, that really hurts. Charlie Trotter's has been a mainstay of Chicago cuisine and the culinary world since it opened almost 25 years ago. I was lucky enough to go there with a friend of mine who worked in the kitchen at the start of his career; a weekend that he says allowed him entrance to some of the other great kitchens in Chicago. The best part of this meal was that Chef Trotter typically doesn't use butter or heavy cream in his dishes and instead allows the flavors of the produce to shine. Not a menu for the picky eater, Trotter's requires an open mind and a discerning palate. Not to go all food snob on you, but there is food, there is cuisine and then there is Charlie Trotter's.

The Vegetable Menu:

Globe Artichoke with Cauliflower, Pine Nuts & Mint

Never in my life would I have expected cauliflower and mint to go together, much less artichoke and mint. Roasting the vegetables helped to bring out the naturally sweet and earthy flavors of each and a quieter mint flavor eased the transition.

Poached French White Asparagus with Broccolini, Manchego Cheese & Fire-Roasted Red Peppers

Though white asparagus are typically flavorless, the char on the broccolini and the heat of the peppers helped round out the subtlety of the asparagus. The creaminess Manchego paired perfectly with the grilled flavors and the peppery flavor of the nasturtium leaves.

Crispy, Silken Tofu with Georgia Peaches,

Red Curry & Pea Blossoms 

Curry and tofu? Yes. Curry and peaches? Well, also yes apparently.I didn't love this dish because the crispy tofu didn't soak up the flavor of the red curry very well but the sweetness of the curry spices was the perfect match for the nectarine. 

One-Hour Poached Hen’s Egg with Morel Mushrooms, Swiss Chard & Liquorice

This was one of my favorite dishes. I love mushrooms and morel mushrooms are among the world's best. They're smoky and salty. Eating them with the egg and chard was like sprinkling a better version of Lawry's Seasoned Salt over the whole plate. The egg must have been poached at a very low temperature because the yolk was still very runny and made a sort of dressing for the chard which was, obviously, perfectly cooked: soft enough to chew but not so cooked that it gave no resistance. The chewiness of the mushrooms backed up the softness of the egg and the ruffled texture of the head was the perfect juxtaposition to the smoothness of the chard.

Miso Tortellini with Red Cabbage, Turnip Confit & Ponzu

This was my favorite dish, bar none. The tortellini were filled with a liquid miso that was perfectly salty and savory. The tortellini wrapper was particularly dense so when you took the first bite, the miso exploded out of it, whereas with a softer pasta it might have leaked. The wine-braised red cabbage added acidity and brightness and the turnips were used two ways: cooked whole and as a puree of the leaves. Spring turnips are softer and smaller and sweeter than their grocery store counterparts and it is this natural earthy sweetness that brought the dish full circle.

Cantaloupe Sorbet with Anise Shortbread & Rosemary Consommé

This dish was meant as a palate cleanser; not overly sweet or savory, the transition from dinner courses to dessert. The cantaloupe sorbet was so intensely flavored it was like putting a piece of frozen melon in your mouth. The anise shortbread crumbs stuck to the outside of each bite, like a sorbet sandwich. The pieces of honeydew floating in the consomme or broth were good but the tiny, crunchy watermelon cucumbers were better. They offered a refreshing bitterness not unlike the skin of a garden cucumber and a satisfying crunch to play against the soft texture of the rest of the dish.

Zucchini Cake & Blossom with Whipped Basil & Saffron Reduction

This was perhaps the busiest plate of all. Incredibly rich pieces of zucchini cake, crispy fried squash blossoms, sweet basil foam, dragonfruit sorbet and saffron reduction all played a part in this dish. The basil foam was one of my favorite things I tasted all night: it was sweet and herbal and the texture was disarming--like cappuccino foam almost. It was hard for me to believe that this is the same basil that gets used in savory Italian dishes when it had such a light and unobtrusive presence on this plate. The zucchini cake was unquestionably the best I've ever had--rich with cinnamon and other warm spices. The fried squash blossoms didn't do much for me but the combination of the hot blossom with the cold dragonfruit sorbet was certainly appealing though I'm not sure how different dragonfruit tastes from Tazo Passion tea. The saffron gel I found unpalatable and overpowering but who the hell am I to tell that to Charlie Trotter?

Strawberry Sorbet with Wine-Poached Strawberries & Chocolate Espresso Cake

The final course was prepared by a friend of my dining companion who was apparently quite new to the restaurant scene. If I didn't know that before sitting down to the meal, I would have assumed a trained pastry chef with at least a decade of experience constructed the dish. The wine soaked strawberries melted in your mouth and the plate was sprinkled with bitter coffee powder and intensely flavored cacao nibs. It was the best coffee-chocolate cake I have ever tasted and I can never hope to recreate something so good. The flavor packed a one-two punch, first hitting you with the bitter coffee and then the darkness of the chocolate. That chocolate sauce on the plate was so incredible it took everything I had not to lick it off the plate.

A ribligious experience

I love ribs. The kind that are slowly smoked, lovingly basted in gooey barbecue sauce and, by the time they get to my plate, falling off the bone. Woodfire Chicken and Pasta in Deerfield used to have these ribs, and for the low, low price of $11.99 for a half slab. Sadly, they went out of business this March and I have since searched in vain for a replacement. Carson's was overpriced and dry. Real Urban BBQ in Highland Park was fine (the burnt ends brisket sandwich was a force to be reckoned with however). Player's Grill was equally unsatisfactory: too much grease, not enough flavor.
Then today, my dad asked his colleague and friend who lives in the area if he knew of any good rib joints and we were directed to L. Woods in Lincolnwood. Despite some faulty directions from Google Maps and the fact that they didn't have a table ready in time for our reservation, I would describe the evening as a total success.
The host staff was apologetic about the fact that our table wasn't ready and the hostess who seated us did everything in our power to make sure we were happy. Our waitress did forget my lemonade but none of that mattered when our ribs arrived. My dad ordered a half slab of the dry rub and I ordered a half slab of the classic baby back ($16.99 each).
Biting into these ribs was like sitting down in a favorite chair: you're immediately comfortable and you never want to leave. The meat was juicy and tender and the ends were just the right amount of charred. The barbecue sauce was extremely thick and sweet with a surprising back burn that offered the perfect amount of heat. It stuck to my hands and my face and I was only too happy to lick it off. It was so good I even put it on my green beans. The dry rub was equally good: smoky and savory, but completely disappeared when paired with the barbecue sauce. It would have been more fun with a bolder rub that not only stood up to the sauce but played along with.
The steamed green beans we ordered were plentiful and perfectly cooked: still slightly crunchy and bright green. There were a bunch of other things on the menu I would have ordered, like the BBQ planked salmon or the Cajun chicken sandwich with blue cheese sauce, but the ribs were so good I honestly think I'll never try anything else.
Friendly to vegetarians L. Woods is not, but the food is well-prepared and the staff is intent upon making sure the customer is happy.
We left dinner feeling the comfort that only a good rib dinner can bestow and my only complaint is that I can't fit a full slab in my stomach.

Four smoky, sizzling stars.

http://www.lwoodsrestaurant.com/index.html

Red, white and...blah

It's always bothered me that American "cuisine" is either deep fat-fried, stolen in part from some other country (I'm looking at you TexMex) or just plain boring. Why did we get stuck with fried fucking Oreos as the pinnacle of our culinary offerings when Thailand gets to parade around sticking Kaffir lime leaves into their coconut curries, Mexico pimps mind blowing sauces like mole and China has jellyfish salad? Don't even get me started on French food because although they are white-flag wavin' little bitches, they know how to cook. Given my general dislike of American food, it baffles me as to why I thought my experience would be different at Joe's American Bar and Grill.

Joe's is a chain and there are a bunch of different locations but Tommy and I plus his third-wheelin' best friend Taggart chose the one on Newbury street. It's right across from Stephanie's on Newbury, which is delicious, and I had a strong urge to make a U-turn and head straight into the waiting arms of some truly beautifully braised lamb shank that I knew was waiting for me in Stephanie's.

I should have made the U-turn. Joe's is a fine place to eat under four circumstances:
A. you are close to starvation or

B. you don't know any better or
C. you have no expectations
D. Yelp gave it 4 stars and you fell for it

Tommy and I were consequences of circumstance D.

Here's the basic rundown if you don't feel like reading the rest of this:
Our waitress rushed us along, the food was greasy and unimpressive, the bathroom was dirty, it was unbelievably noisy and I wouldn't go back unless it was the only restaurant left standing post-nuclear Armageddon.

Taggart was displeased to find out that the lemonade was by the glass...when we got the bill. Sneaky motherfuckers.

We ordered a nachos grande appetizer and it was, in true American fashion, grande. The calorie count on the thing could have fed all of Somalia. It wasn't bad, but I am a snob and found the ice-cream shaped globs of sour cream and guacamole on top of the nacho  mountain unappetizing.

Taggart got a sirloin and mashed potatoes, Tommy got fish and chips and I ordered a chicken Caesar salad. When our meals got to the table, it was immediately clear that plating was not something they covered in training the line cooks. I actually laughed when our waitress set down Tag's plate:







They also don't know what medium-rare looks like; Taggart said his steak was reasonably overdone, if not well seasoned. He said the mashed potatoes were good though.

Tommy's fish and chips were equally unimpressive. Though he ate most of them, he said the breading-to-fish ratio was lacking, and he prefers a thicker coating of breadcrumbs on his fish and chips.

My salad was laughable, but maybe I deserved what I got. It was a head of iceberg lettuce, chopped and drowned in bottled Caesar dressing. The grilled chicken was fine, but I could have made better at home and I'm a terrible griller so that's saying something.

I'm always a lot more picky than Tommy but I think the issue with Joe's is really that what we call "American" is really just other country's food done poorly. Fish and chips is British, nachos are (ostensibly) Latin, Caesar salad was Italian long ago. And no one country can really claim 'steak' as a native food. Beyond the bad cooking, the rushed feeling of the meal, the dirty paper towels all over the floor of the bathroom, it was inauthentic. If you're going to serve burgers and fries, do it well. If you're going to serve TexMex or quasi-Italian, do it well. It would also be nice if I could find a truly American restaurant serving native American cuisine. Now that is a culinary adventure I look forward to.

Rating:
2 stars

http://www.joesamerican.com/index.cfm/page/Home

It's not easy being nice

Ed. note: If you're looking for my typical snarky opinions in this review of The Paramount, stop looking. I actually have good things to say. Let me say here and now how painful it is for me to be nice and let that reflect upon the quality of the restaurant.

In Boston's upscale Beacon Hill neighborhood on a cobblestone street lined with stores I can't even afford to walk into is The Paramount. A diner slash cafeteria with only maybe a dozen tables, The Paramount has been around since 1937 and is still going strong.

I've been to Paramount twice: the first time, the line was so far out the door I just kept walking. The second time was a few weekends ago, when Tommy and I went on a Friday morning to avoid the weekend hangover brunch rush. The line was still almost out the door, but apparently that's about as short as it gets.





To order your food at The Paramount, you wait in line until you get up to the long griddle behind the counter, above which is painted the menu. Shout your order to one of the grill guys, grab a tray and slide down the metal counter, receive and pay for your food, and get a table. Yes, table last. Very high school cafeteria-esque, except the food is so much better than anything a high school could ever hope to emulate.





 Though breakfast-y items take up a good portion of the menu, there's also a section for hefty sandwiches and burgers, some truly delicious sounding salads and a whole host of dinner classics like chicken Marsala and various teriyaki glazed meats. I wish I was going back up to Beantown anytime soon so I could get the crab cake BLT.

Let me repeat: CRAB CAKE BLT. HOLY SHIT.

Anyway, after a pretty extensive wait, Tommy and I finally got to order. I got the french toast with strawberries and bananas, he got the huevos rancheros. I was very nearly coerced into ordering the caramel banana french toast (so someone could eat 95% of it) but I held firm and I'm glad I did.

Our table was right across from the grill so we sort of had people all up in our business the whole time we were eating but it didn't matter. The food was that good.

The french toast, albeit a little greasy, was light and fluffy and they certainly did not skimp on the fresh fruit topping. I also got orange juice, only because it was freshly squeezed and not from concentrate or from a bottle like every other restaurant. So delicious. Like living inside a fresh Florida orange.

Tommy's huevos came with a couple slices of fresh avocado and some truly excellent salsa fresca -- the flavors were simple and perfect. Tomatoes, onion, cilantro and a little bit of heat. So good.

As usual, Tommy ate both of our meals and I was sorry I let him. I have since dreamed about that french toast, covered in syrup and hulled strawberries and huge chunks of bananas. Holy shit. I'm drooling all over my keyboard.

In short: it's worth the wait. The place isn't cheap, but it's well worth the price. Let the fact that my usual meanness was almost totally gone in this review speak for itself.

www.paramountboston.com

I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed but can you ever just be like...whelmed?

...I think you can at Assaggio. This restaurant, set in Boston's version of Little Italy called the North End wasn't good or bad. Just forgettable.

Since my boyfriend and I started seeing each other, around this time last year, I have visited him in Boston six times and on each visit we go out to dinner in the North End and then to Mike's Pastry (a blissfully, deliciously orgasmic experience of cannoli). There have been very good and very bad and on this occasion, very forgettable.

Perhaps we should have been suspicious when we called to make a reservation for Saturday night the same afternoon and had no problem getting our requested time. Usually we have to eat at some absurdly late hour just to get a table. Not so at Assaggio.

The dining room was small, but not terribly cramped. We were seated promptly and service was pretty good throughout the night. The decor is mostly mural-based: think fat baby cherubs, Corinthian columns and astrological signs on the ceiling. My boyfriend found this questionable.

We started with an appetizer of calamari...which was $10. I'm sorry, but when did fried squid get so fucking expensive? Everywhere else I see calamari it's like, $8 tops. I think we were taken for a ride. They did give us a hefty serving of it but it was only warm and I prefer my food somewhere around 'lowest level of Hell' hot. Whatever, it was good enough.

Tommy, my boyfriend, (he will be referred to by name from now on, much to his displeasure I assume. Sorry babe.) ordered cheese ravioli like he always does. Seriously, it's not like the boy has a timid palate. He once ate unidentifiable seafood substance in a restaurant where we were the only native English speakers (another story) but he only orders cheese ravioli when we go out to dinner at an Italian place. Go figure. Anyway, he ordered that and I ordered grilled swordfish that was supposed to come with shallots, capers and a white wine butter sauce.

Anyone who knows me also knows that my stomach is evil and will not allow me to eat anything that tastes good. This means things with heavy cream, butter, oil, fried foods, the list goes on and on. Don't tell me how sorry you are for me and how badly my life sucks, I already know. So shut up. My waitress assured me that I could get the fish without the butter sauce and I was happy. I like capers. They taste like seawater and I find that appetizing.

We get our meals about 15 minutes after they take the calamari away which I thought was good. It wasn't so long that I was tempted to go all 'where the fuck is my food, garcon?' but not so quickly that I felt rushed. Tommy got five ravioli and I got a plain piece of grilled swordfish (no capers or shallots?!) with mashed potatoes and sauteed spinach.

Let me say here that five ravioli is not enough for Tommy. Aside from being a boy, he is also an athlete which means that he eats more than seven of me put together. My portion: huge. His portion: pitiful. We should have traded.

I tried a bite of his ravioli. They were fine, nothing to write home about, but the marinara sauce was pretty good. Nice and velvety. Then again, marinara sauce is hard to fuck up.

My dinner was fucking boring. I said no butter sauce, not no flavoring. The mashed potatoes (which I obviously couldn't eat being that the main ingredients are potatoes, butter and cream) were oddly runny which was unappealing. The sauteed spinach was tasty though and not drowned in oil as so many vegetables are nowadays. The piece of swordfish they gave me was a good one, and nicely cooked but that does not make up for the fact that there was just no flavor to it. That's crap.

Anyway, dinner after that point was unremarkable. Tommy finished most of the rest of my dinner (there were about two servings of fish and spinach on my plate) and we paid and left. It was moderately priced which was nice.

Final thoughts: it wasn't disappointing enough to be bad but it wasn't great enough to be good. It was just another Italian restaurant with astrological signs painted on the ceiling and reasonably good marinara sauce. One to forget.

3 (dim) stars

http://www.assaggioboston.com/

I Hate Hibachi Grills (Review)

I am a frustrated diner of the North Shore. I am sick of Chipotle. I am sick of Noodles and Company. And most importantly, I am sick of hibachi grills, where they poorly cook your food in a puddle of oil right in front of your face so that you can not only eat it but smell like it for the next 72 hours as well. So I’ve compiled a list of 5 restaurants in and around the North Shore that are actually worth eating at.

Price range: $ (about 7 dollars a head) to $$$$ (30 dollars a head and up)

1.       Hot Tamales—(847) 433-4070 493 Central Ave, Highland Park 60035 ($$)

A one-room establishment with brightly painted walls and weird Mexican sculptures, Hot Tamales is without question the best Mexican food I’ve encountered outside of Old Town Chicago. The menu is extensive, with everything from appetizers to platos pequenos (smaller dishes), a huge selection of handmade tamales, enchiladas and other traditional Mexican dishes, all prepared excellently. The free chips and salsa are so addictive you might forget to save room for dinner. Among other excellent dishes, the standouts in the HT repertoire are the:

·         Pumpkin tamales, an interestingly savory dish served with two types of salsa (red and green). The tamales are equal parts sweet and spicy and one is certainly filling. Warning: the corn wrapper of the tamale contains beef fat.

·         Grilled torta, handmade tortilla sandwiches made with goat cheese, red peppers, portabella mushrooms and spinach, the torta is without question my favorite of the platos pequenos. Served with thick-cut sweet potato chips and a creamy poblano sauce.

2.       Sushi Para Japanese Restaurant—(847) 202-9922 1268 E. Dundee Rd, Palatine 60074 ($$)

Though it looks about as sketchy as your average 7-Eleven, Sushi Para offers the most for your money in terms of sushi. Offering a buffet and an a la carte menu, this restaurant is no secret and fills up ridiculously quickly, even on weeknights. The $19 all-you-can-eat option includes a hefty selection of made-to-order appetizers, nigiri, and maki. The waitstaff borders on terrible but it’s worth it for some delicious and relatively cheap sushi. Standouts:

·         The nigiri are conventional, but there is more rice underneath the fish than you might find at more expensive sushi restaurants (then again, it’s only a $19 price tag).

·         The spicy tuna roll, Michigan roll (spicy tuna + tempura crunch inside, tobiko outside), Volcano roll (spicy tuna, spicy salmon, and spicy yellowtail inside, tobiko and sriracha-like sauce on the outside), and the Under Control roll (spicy tuna inside with shrimp tempura outside).

3.       Trattoria Valle D’Itria—(847)226-0600 Roger Williams Ave, Highland Park 60035 ($$$)

So small you could miss it, so good you wouldn’t want to. A classic Italian establishment with reasonable prices, Valle D’Itria converted me instantly from Lou Malnati’s and Eduardo’s. Their thin-crust pizza is more Sicilian-style than Chicago deep-dish and it is addictive. A reasonably diverse menu offers tons of options for either a multiple course meal or just a few appetizers. Standouts:

·         Margherita pizza—the thin crust margherita pizza is typical in its ingredients (tomatoes, basil, mozzarella and other assorted cheeses) but is unique in its quality. Super-fresh tomatoes and high quality buffalo mozzarella combine to make an excellent dining experience.

·         Stewed eggplant—low-calorie this appetizer is not, but “delicious” also doesn’t do it justice. The eggplant is perfectly sautéed and baked after being covered in parmesan and mozzarella cheeses and homemade marinara sauce. The result is a cheesy explosion that will make you sad the dish will only serve two.

4.       Player’s Grill—(847) 831-5929 1855 Deerfield Road, Highland Park 60035 ($$$)

A greasy establishment that is anything but vegetarian-friendly, Player’s Grill has some of the best two-hand sandwiches I’ve had the pleasure of eating prior to swearing off meat. When I say don’t order the salads, I really mean it: most are half-assed combinations of chunk iceberg lettuce and carrot shreds. But the sandwiches and burgers at this place are hideously, artery-clogging good. Expect to wait a good 45 minutes for delivery on the weekends but trust in the fact that you will be thrilled by your order. Note: portions are huge. Standouts:

·         The ranch dressing and BBQ sauce. I could eat both plain. I do eat both plain, with a spoon. Slather it on burgers, mozzarella sticks, French fries, salads. The ranch is the perfect thickness and doesn’t taste overwhelmingly like mayonnaise. The BBQ sauce is perfectly smoky and savory and it’s a little thin compared to Sweet Baby Ray’s but that only means it comes out of the tub faster, thank god. I always ask for an extra serving or three of each every time I visit. Mix them together for a southwestern-style salad dressing.

·         The Max Sandwich—an enormous pile of marinated steak tips sandwiched between two slices of crusty garlic French bread. Watching my friend James attack it made me sorely regret my weak digestive system and vegetarian diet. This is a two-hand sandwich not for the faint of heart but absolutely for the man who loves his red meat. Put that ranch dressing on it and go crazy.

·         The Cajun Chicken Salad—the only salad on the Player’s menu I think is worth ordering. Blackened chicken, Monterey jack cheese chunks, black beans, corn, tomato wedges, pepper and tortilla strips combine to make an awe-inspiring salad of epic southwestern proportions.

5.       Fuji Thai— (847) 459-0888 1000 Weiland Road  Buffalo Grove, 60089 ($$)

In an unremarkable shopping center is Fuji Thai, a tiny restaurant with a lot to offer. Sushi, curries and stir fries are all on the menu, and the pricing is remarkably cheap for how good the quality is. The portions are good-sized but not gluttonous and if you ask for an extra something on the side, they give you a lot of it. Service is pretty good but expect to wait on weekends. Standouts:

·         Thai Yellow Curry with Chicken—a fantastically soothing and not-too-spicy curry with potatoes, green peppers, chicken and onions. The coconut milk is obvious in the broth but not overpowering.

·         Rock ‘n’ Roll—my favorite special roll at Fuji Thai. It has avocado, asparagus and shrimp tempura wrapped in soybean paper. I always get it with spicy tuna on the side.

·         Pad Thai—not greasy and full of flavor, the pad Thai is standout. Loaded with fresh and crunchy beansprouts, peanuts and egg the pad Thai is equally good in the restaurant and as a leftover.