Faux Sho

If you know anything about me, you know that I'm not about the faux unless it's fur. I don't wear knockoff designers and nothing makes my lip curl like fake Armani Code perfume. I'm sorry, but it smells like a baby prostitute. And typically that fake Gucci bag looks just that--fake. I'd much rather have my no-name bag that I paid a reasonable price for and that won't fall apart after three months than a questionable representation of the greatest the fashion world has to offer.

Because let's not kid ourselves, everybody can tell.

Sometimes, however, you just have to go faux. Fur is a notable example because unless you live in Saskatchewan, Russia or the North Pole, it's just not cold enough to warrant wearing a dead animal. Yes, I'm judging your chinchilla coat. I would throw red paint on you too, you heartless wench. My future chinchilla George Costanza and I hate your guts.

Another slightly less politically-charged reason to go faux is if you can't digest spaghetti Alfredo but are having a terrible craving for it.

Wait, what?

Oh yes indeed--faux spaghetti Alfredo is on the menu tonight and it is goddamn delicious with about a third of the calories. Plus spinach!

Since normal Alfredo uses a ton of butter and heavy cream, I can't eat it unless I want to be miserable for anywhere between the next four and 24 hours. This alternative, "faux" spaghetti Alfredo nicely captures the richness of the sauce with its combo of cheeses while not sacrificing too much in the flavor department. It's not an exact replica but I would say it's pretty close. And because it's not so fattening, you can eat more of it! Isn't that how the whole healthy eating thing works?

The recipe is incredibly easy but does involve blending to make the sauce smooth so be prepared for that. Whisking will not cut it.

Feel free to adjust seasonings as you see fit. This recipe would work equally well with fresh garlic as garlic powder (maybe even better) and you can nix the crushed reds for a more traditional flavor. I just put them in everything. You can also use whole grain spaghetti if you hate both yourself and food.

Ingredients:
1/2 lb. spaghetti, cooked al dente
1/4 c. reduced fat cottage cheese
1/2 c. plain nonfat yogurt
3/4 c. milk
1/4 c. fresh parmesan cheese, finely grated plus more for serving
1/2 tsp. each kosher salt, fresh ground pepper, garlic powder
1/4 tsp. crushed reds
2-3 c. raw spinach, rinsed and drained

1. Combine cottage cheese, yogurt, milk and parmesan in a medium pot. Heat over medium heat, whisking constantly until it reaches a simmer. Add spices and whisk again to combine.

2. Remove from heat and blend carefully until very smooth. Return to pot and add cooked spaghetti, mixing to combine over low heat.

3. Add the raw spinach to the pot. Stir and cover for about two minutes, or until spinach is wilted. Serve with extra grated parmesan.

Kale Me Maybe

I'll be the first one to come right out and say I really don't like kale all that much. I think it ruins perfectly good salads by showing up and being totally tough and unlovable, sort of like Bill Rawls on The Wire. Plus it sort of tastes like dirt (which I haven't eaten since my early childhood but couldn't have changed that much, flavor-wise).

This is why I was surprised when I found myself buying a huge bunch of the stuff at the supermarket last week. The produce at Giant is typically wretched but the kale looked...kind of sexy actually. It was dark green and frilly and just said, "Hey. Eat me."

So I did.

But first I sauteed it with onion and garlic and some spicy sausage because there's such a thing as too healthy, and kale is it.

So ultimately I ended up with this delicious pasta creation which I made for the dinner where I reunited with my old friend and the most beautiful dancer at Maryland whose name is Katie and happens to be single, boys.

It's easy and quick and totally delicious and also very much open to interpretation. Feel free to add more kale or cut out the chickpeas or deglaze the pan with chicken stock instead of white wine. It doesn't reheat especially well though so just make as much as you'll eat in one night. As someone who doesn't know what a serving of pasta looks like (and doesn't want to know either), I leave that serving size up to you.

Fettuccine with sausage and kale

Ingredients
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 lb hot turkey or pork sausage, casings discarded and sausage crumbled
1/2 lb kale, tough stems and center ribs discarded and leaves coarsely chopped
1/2 lb dried egg fettuccine
2 cloves garlic
Half a medium onion, chopped
1 can of chickpeas
¼ c. white wine
Crushed reds to taste
Lemon wedges, for serving
1 oz finely grated Pecorino Romano (or parmesean) (1/2 cup) plus additional for serving

1. Heat oil in a 12-inch heavy skillet over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking, then cook sausage, garlic and onion, breaking up any lumps with a spoon, until browned, 5 to 7 minutes.


2. Meanwhile, cook pasta in boiling water, uncovered, until al dente. Reserve 1 cup pasta-cooking water, then drain pasta in a colander.



3. With five minutes to go until the pasta is cooked, add kale and chickpeas to sausage in skillet and sauté, stirring frequently, until just tender, about 5 minutes. Deglaze with white wine, stirring and scraping up any brown bits from bottom of skillet







4. Add pasta and stir in cheese. Serve immediately, with additional cheese on the side.



There will be bacon

In honor of the impending bacon shortage (aka the apocalypse) and to keep a promise to blog about something even easier to cook than meatloaf, today we'll be talking about spaghetti alla carbonara, a classic Italian dish made by miner's wives that is cheap, easily made, and packed with protein.

There are two important things to understand about carbonara. The first is that less is more: don't feel the need to put in 7 slices of bacon because you'll lose all the fantastic subtlety that comes as a result of all the ingredients coming together. The second is that you can technically make carbonara with nothing more than parmesean cheese, bacon, eggs and pasta and get the general overview but putting other stuff in it makes it taste a lot better.

Regarding the baconpocalypse, you can blame the Brits and the American Midwest for shrinking herd sizes and a desire to cut production costs, respectively. So that said, eat all the bacon you can lay your hands on.

Oh also you can make carbonara with pancetta for a different, subtler flavor if the mood strikes you. I used parmesean reggiano instead of plain parmesean for a little bit of added bite but also because plain parmesean cheese doesn't seem to exist in Alicante. Criminal.

Ingredients:

1/4 lb of spaghetti (two servings from the box)

2 eggs

1/3 c. finely grated parmesean cheese

2 slices bacon

1/4 onion, finely chopped

1 clove garlic, minced

2 tbs. dry white wine (optional)

1 pinch coarsely ground black pepper

1 tsp. fresh parsley, minced

Respect that Oscar Meyer.

1. In a small saucepan, cook the bacon until crisp. Remove from pan and crumble into small pieces.
Set aside. Reserve the bacon grease.

2. In that same saucepan, saute the onion and garlic until translucent and fragrant. Add the white wine in the last minute or so of cooking. Remove from heat and set aside.

3. Cook pasta according to instructions on the box. While the pasta is cooking, lightly beat the eggs and grated parmesean together in a small bowl and set aside.

4. Drain the pasta and put back into the pot. Add the cracked pepper, the onion/garlic mixture and the crumbled bacon, stir well.

5.Let the pasta cool for a minute or so and then quickly add all of the egg and cheese mixture, stirring the pasta well the entire time to coat evenly. Continue to stir for 30 seconds or so to ensure that there is no liquid sticking to the sides of the pot. Serve immediately with the parsley and more grated parmesean if desired.

8:30 p.m. (approx.)

8:37 p.m. (approx.)

The kitch is back

Where the magic will happen for the next 4 months

Hola from the beautiful coastal city of Alicante. It is currently 1:16 pm and Tommy is still passed out in my bed after a very strenuous breakfast. I'm finally over the worst of the jetlag and actually managed to throw together something decent, and worth recreating, for dinner last night. Let me say here that the produce in Alicante is truly great. And inexpensive. You could buy your weight in platanos for around 10 Euro. And don't even get me started on Kinder Eggs. I am all about those little dudes. In short, Spain is the shit.

Anyway, Tommy wanted to eat dinner at my place since the kitchen in his apartment is about the size of my bathroom at home (and it isn't a very spacious bathroom) so we hit up Corte de Ingles, one of the huge supermarkets near us, and picked up some seriously tasty produce for a kitchen sink pasta salad.

Here's the great thing about this pasta salad: it's totally malleable and there are about 100 different ways to cheat and make it easier. You can put anything you want in there and for seasoning, just use some bottled Italian dressing. Since we didn't have any of that, I just went with the random spices (tarragon, cinnamon and powdered garlic to name a few) that were in our apartment to begin with. If you're cooking for a crowd, make the entire box of penne but if not just 2 or so cups will be enough for about 3 people.

Ingredients:
2 cups plus some penne pasta, cooked according to directions and cooled
1/4 cucumber, chopped
1/2 yellow or red pepper, chopped

1 small tomato, chopped
1 c. roasted chicken, cubed
1/2 c. cheese (manchego, mozzarella, cheddar)
1/4 c. olive oil
1/4 tsp. chopped dried oregano
1/4 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1/4 tsp. garlic powder (or to taste if you don't like garlic so much)
1/8 tsp. sea salt

Directions:

1. Place cooled penne in a large mixing bowl. Add cheese, chicken and vegetables and fold to combine.
2. Drizzle the olive oil over the top of the pasta mixture and stir to coat evenly. Sprinkle the spices one at a time, stirring after each addition to incorporate thoroughly. Serve at room temperature.

This will keep in the fridge, covered, for a few days before the cheese and vegetables start to go soggy.

Tommy enjoying his delicious pasta salad made by the best girlfriend of the 21st century.

How to follow a recip--look, a squirrel!

I am incapable of following a recipe. If I had an Indian name, it would probably be Princess Cannot Follow Recipe...Dancing Deer or some shit. It's bad. But sometimes, it works in my favor. I wanted to make a light lemon shrimp scampi when my friend (and soon-to-be roommate) Lauren came over for dinner, but I didn't have the right ingredients. So I improvised. It turned into a great, refreshing and light pasta dish that I will totally make again. I'm lucky that I had lemon pepper linguine in my cupboard thanks to one of my best friends who made me a gourmet food care package, but any linguine will work just fine.

2 c. small shrimp, peeled and de-veined
1/4 small onion, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 tsp. Italian seasoning
2 tbs. olive oil
1 lemon, cut into quarters
1 1/2 c. fresh spring peas, shelled
1 lb. pasta, cooked according to box
1/4 c. grated Parmesan cheese

1. In a medium sized saucepan, saute onion and garlic with the juice of one of the lemon quarters and the italian seasoning
2. As the onions and garlic cook, add the shrimp and cook over medium heat, stirring often so that the shrimp begin to caramelize, add the juice of another lemon quarter
3.  Steam the peas over low heat with the juice of another quarter until tender but not mushy, about 3-4 minutes
4. When the pasta and peas are cooked, drain together and then add to saucepan with shrimp, stir to combine

Serve with grated Parmesan cheese and the last wedge of lemon.