Souped Up

If you know me at all, you know my feelings on souped-up vehicles which is to say: I view them with crushing scorn accompanied by an eye-roll so fierce that my eyeballs threaten to get stuck facing opposite directions in their sockets.

Something like this.

Your matte paint job reminds me of long, fake nails with a pink-tinged French manicure. Your lack of a muffler makes me want to call the cops and report you to the Department of Motor Vehicles for some unknown violation (yeah, I'm THAT person). Your absurd yellow halogen headlights are not only supremely stupid looking but incredibly dangerous for all oncoming traffic. Your car, as a whole, inspires me to open my own chop shop where I use the 3-pound meat cleaver my dad got as a gift from his younger bother where I service only your car and by service I mean hack that godforsaken thing into bits and then recycle it, piece by piece, while you watch.

Souped up cars are not my thing.

But souped up cold remedies sure as hell are. Oh yes my friends, I am on my second ear infection of the school year. My left ear is throbbing with pain and I imagine an inside view of my sinuses looks like a water park clogged with sodden autumnal foliage. Take a second and picture that.

I've told you all before that when I'm sick I am a fiend for soup. I love soup so much I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant (credit: Tracy Jordan). I especially love this soup, which is something of an acquired taste.

Because as much as I hate dumb, souped up cars, I FREAKING LOVE KOREAN FOOD. Yes, that was a big jump, but you will soon learn why.

I am blessed to have not one but two half-Korean friends who introduced me to the wondrous joy that is K-food long ago. From hot stone bowls to fresh tofu to old kimchi to fish cakes to tiny chili-covered fish to unpronounceable baked goods filled with bean curd and mango, I love it all. The gigantic Korean grocery H-Mart is my happy place and I fully enjoy being one of three white people when I visit.

I also fully enjoy when either of my friends or their Korean family members cooks for me. I am a total mooch and I will certainly invite myself over when they are having Korean barbecue. I actually have requested lunch that my friend Tammi's mother cook me a special lunch on more than one occasion and because Tammi is a kind soul she relays that message to her mother Kai and I get to stuff my face.

One of my favorite things that Kai makes is a soup called miyuk gook. It's a really simple combination of broth, seaweed, cooked rice and bits of beef. Tammi always eats it when she's sick and it's become one of my favorite comfort foods when I'm feeling under the weather as well.

Of course if you're not super into seaweed it might not be your jam, but I am a huge fan of that weird salty stuff and have been known to snack on sheets of plain nori paper so...

This is a bastardized recipe for that incredibly comforting soup. It comes together really quickly, and if you don't have any beef lying around you can certainly leave it out.

Now I'm going to go back under my quilt and watch 8 more episodes of Friends. I hate being sick.

Ingredients:

2.5 c. dried miyuk seaweed, cut into strips (can be found at most Asian groceries or specialty foods stores)

1 tbs. sesame oil

3 tbs. soy sauce

2 cloves of garlic, minced

About 4 oz. beef, drained of blood and minced

6 c. water

1 c. cooked white rice

1. Rehydrate the miyuk in a large bowl of water for about 20 minutes. It will grow substantially so use a good-sized bowl.

2. While the seaweed is soaking, sautee the beef with the sesame oil, soy sauce and garlic until not quite cooked through.

3. Remove the seaweed from the water bath, drain, sprinkle with kosher salt and rinse thoroughly.

4. Add the miyuk to the beef and continue to cook for another 5-6 minutes. Add the water and the cooked rice and bring to a boil. Let simmer for about 20 minutes and serve immediately.

Braise the roof

Tonight I'm doing a little bit of a throwback post...okay, a lot a bit of a throwback post. Like a I-cooked-this-while-in-Spain throwback post. It was on my To-Blog list and then I sort of kind of forgot about it which is uncool and unfair because this is a seriously delicious recipe.

I do have some good, far more recent, recipes in the works for this week and next (because during Passover you have to get crafty with the veggies or you get something else entirely instead) but they are still a twinkle in my eye. And everything else I have to blog is not k for P and I don't feel like torturing myself or my Jewish readers with pictures of fluffy lemon-berry scones or cheesecake cookies.

Okay, enough hedging. Let's talk some braised short ribs. Better yet, let's talk about some BEER braised short ribs. Yeah beer! And no, I don't mean Natty Light or Natty Boh. But, embarrassingly, those are the only two beers I'll drink. Maryland pride! We are all drunkards! My GPA is a mirage! Only kidding future employers, it's a solid 3.6 I'm pretty sure.

The awesome thing about braising, which means lightly frying something and then stewing it low and slow in a closed container, is that it turns even tough and sad pieces of meat into fall-off-the-bone, so-good-you'll-slap-your-momma pieces of meat.

Short ribs are no exception, and they are relatively inexpensive. This recipe takes a little bit of time so you'll want to start in the early afternoon so you're not eating at midnight like my boyfriend's roommate frequently does (Hi Lenhart!). It's perfect for days you can eat meat if you're Catholic (although Lent is almost over) or a weekend if you're just busy. It makes a ton of food by the way, and even though it's served on pasta in these pictures you can easily put it on polenta or grits. I don't think either of those are kosher for Passover but I'm sure Manischewitz makes some sort of alternative.

This is a Food and Wine recipe which I have changed very marginally so obviously you can't go wrong. This is an excellent man meal also, so if you're trying to impress a dude this is totally the way. Plus it will stick to your ribs since it's so unseasonably cold out for no reason since it's FUCKING APRIL.

Sorry. I promised myself I would stop using the f-word on my blog so that I could find a job one day but since there was snow on my windshield last night I reserve the right to drop the bomb once.

Ingredients:
2 tablespoons canola oil
6 boneless short ribs (10 to 12 ounces each)
Kosher salt
Freshly ground pepper
1 onion, thinly sliced
1 large carrot, thinly sliced
3 cups beef stock or low-sodium broth
2 cups chocolate stout or other dark beer

1. Preheat the oven to 325°. In a large enameled cast-iron casserole, heat the oil until shimmering. Season the short ribs with salt and pepper and add 3 of them to the casserole.

I don't know why this is in black and white, blame Google Blogger.

Cook over moderate heat, turning, until well browned all over, about 10 minutes. Transfer to a plate and repeat with the remaining ribs.

2. Pour off all but 2 tablespoons of the fat from the casserole. Add the onion and carrot and cook over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are softened, about 8 minutes. 
Add the beef stock and beer and bring to a boil. Return the ribs to the casserole, cover and braise in the oven for about 2 hours, until the meat is very tender.

3. Transfer the ribs to a platter and cover with foil, leaving some space. Using a big spoon or a ladle, skim off the fat from the sauce as best you can. Boil until reduced to 3 cups, about 8 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Return the short ribs to the sauce and simmer over low heat until they are warmed through. Serve the ribs with the grits, pasta or whatever you want.

Bean there, done that

So happy to be eating my cooking again, obviously.

So my boyfriend Tommy was in College Park this weekend for the first time since our sophomore year of college. This unhappy statistic is due in part to the fact that he is a college athlete and therefore blinks/breathes when his coaches say so and also to that ridiculous snowstorm that the Northeast got last year around this time.

Naturally, I wanted to pull out all the stops when he came. So I brought him to the best place in College Park: R.J Bentley's Filling Station. This vomit-soaked bar is my Siren song and I am eternally doomed to every Friday dash myself against the rocks of their $2 rails. Tommy really dug it so obviously I picked a good one.

But when it comes to dining, CP is absurdly low on options. My grandmother, god bless her, suggested I make cornish game hen. I didn't have the heart to tell her that UMD is conveniently located in the ghetto when I got in so I think she believes it looks more like Georgetown. Anyway, the only game hens around here are few, far between and deep in hiding. So I asked Tommy what he'd like. He said jambalaya but I am not a huge fan so I nixed that in favor of my own wishes (girlfriend of the year right here folks) and decided to make chili.

I friggin LOVE chili. Oh my god. I know it's not the sexiest food and it kind of looks like barf but oh my god. OH MY GOD.

White, three bean, beef? With cheese, sour cream, chopped onions, green onions? Mild, medium, spicy, I just shit lava? Yes. All of them. Now. My mecca looks something like a chili cookoff without all the types of people that usually frequent those events. Maybe one attended by the casts of The Royal Tenenbaums and Crazy, Stupid Love. I would way rather see Ryan Gosling go to town on a pot of white chili with ham chunks than a fat dude with mustard stains on his George Strait t-shirt. Okay sorry that was mean but seriously, who would you pick?

Ryan. Duh.

Now you be laboring under the misconception that chili is very time consuming to make and involves a lot of stewing and simmering. Some kinds are like that, but many are not. The three-bean chili I like to make does not involve very much simmering. It actually has very few steps (but kind of a lot of ingredients--do your best). Of course you can leave it on the stove while you eat dinner on a very low heat to let the flavors deepen but it's not necessary.

This recipe also calls for ground turkey instead of beef because Tommy gets upset about the cow farts. It's so cute how much he loves the environment. Anyway, feel free to substitute ground beef and any other sorts of meat you may have laying around. If you have spicy Italian sausage, that's a surprisingly tasty addition. This also makes a good amount of leftovers and freezes exceptionally well so you'll have some hearty dinners on hand for the long stretch of winter we still have ahead of us.

Side note: I have started to wonder if I will ever feel my toes again. My mom sent this picture of our courtyard today:

Illinois: where we shovel snow to make room for more snow.

Three-Bean Turkey Chili

Ingredients:
1 can black beans
1 can red beans
1 can pink beans
1 can crushed tomatoes in juice
1 6-oz can tomato paste
1 lb. ground turkey
1 medium onion, chopped
3 large cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tbs. oregano
1 tsp. crushed reds (or to taste if that's too spicy)
1/2 tsp. paprika
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
Salt to taste
Shredded sharp cheddar and sour cream for serving (Pro tip: fat free greek yogurt tastes almost exactly the same and is way healthier. Tommy couldn't even tell the difference)

1. In a large stock pot, combine all of the beans, tomatoes and paste and spices over medium heat. Stir to combine.

2. While the beans are heating,
brown the turkey with the onion and garlic.

3. When the turkey is browned, add to the beans and stir again to combine. Let simmer for about 15-20 minutes. Serve with sour cream and cheddar.

Hello, gorgeous.

Meathead

So a friend of mine from school, also studying abroad in Europe, requested that I write something about easy comfort food. If there's one thing I can call easy comfort food (besides pudding), it's meatloaf. Despite the wholly unappealing name, it is classic Americana, so easy to make, and cheap as hell too.

Meatloaf is really freaking hard to photograph in an attractive manner.

This post is entitled meathead for two reasons:

1. Meatloaf is the subject

2. I went to the gym at the University for the first time today

I'm just going to go ahead and let item number 2 speak for itself but on a very short tangent let me say this to boys:

Having a 25 inch waist and pectoral muscles substantially bigger than Kate Upton's boobs does not make you attractive. It makes you laughable. It's cool to want to be in shape, but looking like a World's Strongest Man reject will not get you any. It's fine to be skinny, it's fine to be built. It's fine to be triangular. It's fine to be oblong or spherical or whatever shape you want so long as you eat healthy and avoid HGH. A body is a gift from God but a misused body is a gift to no one. Also don't hit on girls at the gym because seriously fuck you.

Okay end of rant.

Anyway, this meatloaf took a really freaking long time to cook in my oven for whatever reason, and because I don't have a loaf pan (yet) it didn't have that yummy crust that meatloaf usually gets but it still tasted damn good. So there's that. If you don't have a loaf pan like me, you can just wrap the meatloaf in heavy foil smeared with a little bit of olive oil.

This meatloaf really was making me lose it. I double-checked a few different recipes on allrecipes.com and THEY ALL HAD DIFFERENT COOKING TIMES. By serious lengths of time. Like 45 minutes. So we put the meatloaf in the oven expecting it to be done in under an hour and it JUST WASN'T. So frustrating. We ate dinner at a seriously Spanish hour, about 9:30 and by that time I was practically catatonic with rage and desire to eat my freakin' meatloaf.

When it was finally ready and all dunked in ketchup from (not stealthily) stolen ketchup packets, I was about ready to cry it was so tasty.

Tommy summed things up nicely with this choice quote from one of his favorite movies:

"Oh yeah, and one more thing: it's been emotional."

Ingredients:

1-2 lbs. ground beef

1 small onion, finely chopped

3/4 c. bread crumbs

1 tsp. herbes fines, Italian herbs or herbes du Provence

Dash of Worcestershire sauce

1/4 c. BBQ sauce

1 egg, beaten

Brown sugar to taste

1. In a large bowl, combine all of the ingredients and mix well using your hands.

2. Form into a large loaf (if using 2 lbs. of ground beef form 2 medium-sized loaves)

and place in the middle of the lightly greased loaf pan or olive oil.

3. Smear the top with BBQ sauce and sprinkle with brown sugar to taste.

4. Bake at 400 degrees Fahrenheit for about 60-90 minutes. Meatloaf is not an exact science. The meatloaf should only be just slightly pink in the center.