Spice Up Your Life

As many of my friends know, I love a good latte.

Pumpkin spice, vanilla, plain old skim milk. My go-to Starbucks order in the winter is, 9 times out of 10, a grande skim latte with an extra shot of espresso. I have tried many of the seasonal varieties as well, with varying results. I found the eggnog latte to be palatable, but overly sweet towards the bottom. The gingerbread latte tasted like a plate of burned Christmas cookies. The toffee nut latte was absurdly delicious but definitely not worth all those calories.

Back in Alicante, I experimented with making my own pumpkin spice lattes with incredible results. I recently bought too much pumpkin for the filling of my Friendsgiving 2.0 (coming soon, I promise!) pie and decided to reserve some for later pumpkin spice lattes.

However when I slit open the vacuum-sealed package today, I was greeted with an unpleasant smell and some very squishy pumpkin. Ever the optimist, I rinsed the pumpkin and steamed it briefly in the hopes that it would perk up. It didn't. It tasted like an acidic dishrag.

Into the trash it went.

But I really, really wanted a pretty latte to perk up my afternoon. Unfortunately they don't have things like molasses or flavor extracts here so both homemade gingerbread and almond toffee were out. What I did have was a cabinet of spices at my disposal and some very good quality coffee, so I decided to experiment.

What I came up with was delicious: a combination of warming, wintery spices and strong-verging-on-espresso coffee topped with fluffy mountains of whipped cream.

Take that, pumpkin spice. You've got competition.

I know it seems like there's almost too much seasoning in the milk but remember that the coffee is very strong and you don't want the flavors of the spices to be masked. Of course if you like your coffee weaker, add less spice.

But if you like weak coffee then I don't know if I want to be friends with you. Dunkin' Donuts drinkers, I'm looking at you. That shit is vile.

Now without further ado, I give you....winter-spiced lattes.

PS: aside from coffee-brewing time, these take about 5 minutes to put together. That's less time than you would have to wait at your local coffee joint. And you don't have to change out of your pajamas.

Ingredients
2 c. milk
1 1/2 c. strong, freshly brewed coffee
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 tsp. ground cloves
2 tbs. vanilla extract
Whipped cream and another pinch of cinnamon to finish, if desired (you're a monster if you don't want whipped cream on this latte, just saying)

1. In a medium saucepan, combine milk and vanilla extract. Whisk well to combine.

2. Add spices and scald milk (heat until it's too hot to comfortably dip a finger in).

3. Combine coffee and milk mixture in two mugs. Top with whipped cream and extra cinnamon.

Hello again to all my friends

So you should probably yell at me.

Go on.

I can take it.

I've been basically the world's worst blogger. Like ever. Of all time. I suck, a little bit, at this blogging thing.

And I don't even have that great of an excuse besides school and working at the lovely and perfect and wonderful Make It Better magazine this summer. I just got lazy. And I deserve to be yelled at for that. Laziness is unacceptable.

So to make up for that, I promise to be a far more faithful blogger and I now bestow upon you a recipe for homemade pumpkin spice lattes.

I had my first one of the season today and I promised myself I wouldn't Instagram or tweet it but I didn't say shit about blogging. Therefore, I will now share my most precious secret with you. This recipe will blow your mind not only with its ease but also because it tastes exactly the same as the Starbucks version. But it's way cheaper. And you can control the pumpkinness and cinnamon quotients and also you can pile on the whipped cream because sometimes they're chintzy and it's a Monday and you NEED a lot of whipped cream on your flavored latte when it's a Monday.

Or really any other day of the week for that matter. It's whipped cream. It's the shit.

You can also make extra of this and keep it in a sealed jar in the fridge for a day or two and heat it up as needed. Any longer than two days and it might start tasting funky.


Anyway, please accept this recipe as my formal apology for being such a bad blogger. I promise to do better in future. I've been collecting a lot of great recipes that are almost ready to go up on here so if you haven't given up on me yet, don't. And thanks. You guys are the best.

Also: note the Alicante mug, damn I miss that place.

Homemade Pumpkin Spice Lattes
Serves two (or one extremely large mug, which is preferable)

2 c. of milk
1/2-3/4 c. strong brewed coffee
2 tbs. canned pumpkin
1 tbs. vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice OR 1/4 tsp. cinnamon + 1/4 tsp. nutmeg plus a little more for garnish
Whipped cream to taste

1. Combine all ingredients except the whipped cream in a small saucepan over medium heat.

2. Whisk well, until the pumpkin is incorporated throughout and the mixture is frothy.

3. Pour into a mug (or two) and garnish with whipped cream and a pinch of pumpkin pie spice or cinnamon.

Spike this

In honor of the Bears now being 5 and 1 and Skip Bayless tweeting that barring injury our Superbowl chances just keep getting better and better, I write today about spiked and spicy cider.

Also because in the poll I posted, 7 out of 8 people voted to see an alcoholic beverage make its way onto Bite Me. My readers are all seemingly booze-soaked college students, and I'm okay with that.

This cider reminds me of two things, the first of which is the deliciously nonalcoholic cider my mom makes in the fall and the horrifically alcoholic cider a fraternity at my school makes for an enormous tailgate they have every year.

Mine is a happy marriage of the two with the holy water that is bourbon. It's also stupid easy to make (just one step!) but looks and smells very impressive so I highly recommend it for large parties. It will almost certainly make an appearance at my highly exclusive and invitation only gingerbread house party that I host every winter break. Be jealous.

Anyway, I made this for a friend's birthday party last weekend and it went over a storm but BE WARNED: this shit is Special Olympics in a festive mug. You think it's not that strong because you get distracted by the cinnamony goodness and orange slices floating in your face and then 45 minutes later you're having an in-depth conversation with someone about why you named your first cat after a German composer and why the  Evil Queen in Snow White was so evil.

Without further ado...spiked and spicy cider.

Ingredients:
1 bottle of apple juice (preferably without added sugars and not from concentrate)
1/2 orange, sliced
2 cinnamon sticks
4 or 5 whole cloves
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1 c. bourbon (I like Knob Creek but it's up to you. Feel free to add more or less to taste.)

1. Combine all ingredients in a large pot on the stove top and stir to combine. Let simmer over low heat for about 20 or 30 minutes until fragrant and serve.