A Clam Walks Into a Bar...

...and announces, "I've just won the Powerball! 10.5 million, I can't believe it!"

Everyone crowds around him, offering congratulations and pats on the shell when the bartender suggests he buy a round for the house. The clam looks scandalized and swiftly exits the bar.

"Well," says a nearby mussel. "I guess he was a little shellfish."

BA-DUM KSH!

Boy am I funny.

I am also a self-proclaimed shellfish addict. Totally hopeless. I know it's treyf but I figure if God really didn't want his chosen people eating it then moules marinières wouldn't taste so good.

One of my favorite ways to eat seafood (besides all the ways) is in pasta. There are very few things that cannot be improved by spaghetti, and seafood is definitely not one of them. This recipe came about as a challenge from Tommy -- now that we're down to our final months in Spain, (holyshitholyshitholyshit) we need to take advantage of all the things we won't be able to enjoy once we're home. One of those things is disgustingly fresh seafood.

Therefore, we descended into the depths of the fish market at the mercado and scooped up a boatload (heh) of clams, mussels and shrimp. Initially I was really intimidated by the prospect of cooking shellfish having never done it before but some Internet research revealed that it really isn't difficult at all.

All you need to know is this: if it doesn't open while you cook, throw it out. If it's already open before you cook it, throw it out. Because our stupid stove is the size of a Barbie kitchenette, I had a lot of difficulty getting the mussels to cook evenly. The burners simply weren't big enough to effectively distribute the heat. Thusly, I had to throw almost half of the mussels away because they just wouldn't open all the way. I am 90% sure they were fine to eat but in this case better safe than sorry is the name of the game.

As far as mussels go, pick ones that don't have any cracks in the shell and that are tightly closed. If a mussel opens after you remove the beard (the little cluster of thread-like fibers at the bottom of the shell), give it a sharp tap on the counter. If it closes right away, it's fine. If not, say bye.

Clams just need to be rinsed and soaked in cold water about 30 minutes before cooking. Otherwise, it's smooth sailing there.

Feel free to adjust the level of heat in the chili oil here. I personally like spice but it is truly up to you. You can also add other seafood like scallops or cockles or even chunks of a sturdy fish such as snapper if you so choose. This is a great recipe to feed a lot of people that looks really fancy but honestly isn't that much work. A sprinkle of fresh parsley and a shave or two of fresh parmesan is all you need to make it look like you graduated from Le Cordon Bleu. I won't tell if you don't.

Ingredients:

1 lb. spaghetti or angel hair pasta
1 lb. cherrystone clams
1/2 lb. mussels
1/2 lb. raw shrimp, peeled and deveined (tail on is fine)
1 lb. cherry tomatoes, sliced in half
1/4 c. evoo
1 medium onion, minced
3 cloves garlic, minced
3/4 c. dry white wine
1 c. seafood stock

For the seasoned oil:
1/2 c. very good olive oil
2 tsp. crushed reds or to taste
1/2 tsp. each dried basil, parsley and oregano
2 tsp. sea salt


1. In a medium bowl, mix all the ingredients for the oil together. Set aside.

2. In a large, deep skillet, heat olive oil until it shimmers. Add garlic and onion, cook over moderately high heat until softened, about 5 minutes. Add wine and cook for another 3 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, clean mussels by rinsing them well in cold water, scrubbing off any barnacles or attachments. Remove the beard with a sharp tug. Set aside with the rinsed clams and shrimp.

4. To the skillet, add the stock, cherry tomatoes and 2 tbs. of the oil mixture. Bring to a boil. Add the shrimp, mussels and clams and cook uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the shrimp are tightly curled and the shells are all open, about 5 minutes.

5. While the shellfish is cooking, make the pasta according to the directions on the box. Drain well.

6. Transfer pasta to a large bowl and toss with the seafood, its sauce and 2 to 3 more tablespoons of the hot oil. Serve immediately with fresh parsley, parmesan and the rest of the oil for drizzling.

Now You Sear Me, Now You Don't

Searing food is about as close to magic as the average home cook can get without the use of molecular gastronomy. The ability to make something so perfectly crunchy on the outside and yet still juicy and tender on the inside, is, in my opinion, nothing short of Houdini-esque.

While my knowledge of traditional magic is limited to what I've experienced at Disney World and its College Park counterpoint, R.J. Bentley's Filling Station, my knowledge of kitchen magic is pretty extensive. And the ability to sear a protein well is one of the best tricks I can pull out of my hat.

Searing, in which the outside surface of a food is cooked at high heat until a crunchy, caramelized crust forms, is ridiculously easy and has the added benefit of making your food look much fancier than it actually is. The trick is getting your sautee pan extremely hot so that the outside of the food begins cooking much faster than the inside, resulting in that crunchy, intensely flavorful outside.

For this recipe, I used two gorgeous tuna steaks and crusted the outsides with a cumin-heavy spice mixture before searing them in a little oil. I would have used coconut oil if I had it, but sadly sunflower seed oil had to do. I served the tuna steaks with a traditional mixture of rice and green peas and the result was a totally Caribbean vibe that made me want a piña colada and a hammock. Super yum. Super fast. Super healthy (so you can eat more cookies after dinner, duh).

Some quick tips:

- Avoid a nonstick pan for this. Cast iron or stainless steel are better.

- Use just about tablespoons of canola oil to lightly grease the pan. It has a much higher smoke point than EVOO and won't begin to burn before you put your food in.

- Pat the meat/fish/poultry dry before you put it in the pan. This will help it to sear properly instead of just steaming.

- DON'T FUTZ WITH IT. Seriously, you will be much happier if you leave your dinner alone to do its own thing instead of poking at it every five seconds. Just let it be for a few minutes, flip it and repeat. The meat has to stick to the bottom of the pan to get that coating; it will naturally release when it's ready to be turned.

Ingredients:
2 tbs. crushed cumin seeds or ground cumin
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. cayenne or crushed reds
4 tuna steaks
2 tbs. coconut or canola oil
2 tbs. lime juice
2 tbs. cilantro or parsley, roughly chopped
Lime wedges for serving

1. In a small bowl, combine the cumin, garlic powder, salt and cayenne. Stir well to blend. Sprinkle evenly over the tuna steaks, coating completely. Shake off any extra.

2. Heat oil in a large skillet over high heat. Place tuna in skillet (do it in batches if you can't fit them without crowding) and partially cover.

3. Sear for about 3 minutes, then flip the fish and sprinkle with the lime juice. Continue to cook until lightly browned on the outside and opaque in the center, about 3 more minutes.

4. Transfer tuna to plates and sprinkle with the chopped herbs. Serve immediately.

Whitefish Privilege

Go out to eat at any restaurant with a good selection of fish on the menu. Listen to the tables around you ordering, or the waiter detailing the specials list.

A picky diner will want to be assured that the fish they haven't heard of is whitefish. A waiter will make sure to note the chef's whitefish of the night.

Beloved for its mild taste and firm, flaky texture, whitefish is given privilege above most other fish.

Certainly above the lowly sardine (fantastic when cooked fresh) or lesser-known varietals.
Whitefish can hold its own against big players like salmon and tuna but it unceremoniously stomps on all the other fish out there to eat.

This is a story about whitefish. Maybe.

Honestly, I have no idea what I bought from the Mercado. It was just fish, and unfortunately it still had all the bones still in it. Guess who has two thumbs and learned how to (badly) fillet a fish so dinner could get on the table? This girl.


This fish is incredibly easy to cook because it is poached -- simmered slowly in a seasoned bath until it is perfectly cooked from the inside out.

Although according to Willy Wonka, (the one in the book) nothing is truly poached unless it has been stolen from the woods in the dead of night.

I added green onions, ginger, garlic and crushed reds to my poaching liquid but you can feel free to add and subtract in any way you would like. Star anise pods, galangal and thai basil would put a nice Pacific-rim touch on the fish.

I served what was left of the fish with this mountain of bok choy.

You also have a lot of freedom in the type of fish you want to use: snapper, flounder and halibut are a few good choices. Tilapia might be a little too fragile.

A note: make sure that the heat is down really really really really really I cannot stress this enough really really low on the saucepan. You don't want the fish to cook too quickly; there should just be small bubbles around the outside of the pan.

Also you might notice there is no final "after" picture of the meal. That's because I dropped my plate on the ground and it didn't look too pretty after that. (PS: This happened like 2 months ago and I'm still not over it. I'm just thankful something like this never happened when I was waitressing over the summer.)

Ingredients:
8 green onions, chopped
1 1-inch piece ginger, sliced, plus 1 tsp. grated
1/2 tsp. crushed red pepper (or to taste)
4 6-oz. boneless, skinless pieces of fish
2 tbs. canola oil
1/4 tsp. sesame oil
2 tsp. soy sauce
1 tsp. sherry or red wine vinegar
Kosher salt
Fresh cilantro or parsley for serving

Directions:

1. Bring 4 of the green onions, the sliced ginger, 1/4 tsp. of the red pepper, 1 tbs. salt and 3 cups of water to a low simmer (tiny bubbles!!!) in a medium skillet.

2. Season the fish with 1/2 tsp. salt and add to the skillet. Cook until the fish is opaque throughout, 10-12 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, combine the canola and sesame oils, soy sauce, vinegar, grated ginger, remaining green onions and remaining crushed red peppers in a medium bowl. Let marinate for about 5 minutes.

4. Serve the fish on top of steamed jasmine or white rice, sprinkled with the parsley or cilantro leaves and the green onion relish.

Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

First of all, let me apologize for the recent radio silence. Tommy and I moved to a new apartment and only just got our internet set up, no thanks to the perennially awful Orange.

Anyway, it is currently 55 degrees in my bedroom. It is currently 57 degrees outside. People are always telling me, "Oh Jess, you're so lucky to be living in Spain! I bet it's so nice and warm there!"

Well I'm calling bullshit. Yes, maybe we don't have to contend with a polar vortex or blizzards that would make your average midwesterner consider staying off the roads, but at least YOU ALL IN AMERICA HAVE CENTRAL HEATING.

I'm currently wearing a long sleeve thermal shirt, a wool sweater, a hoodie and a scarf. There is a blanket over my legs and one wrapped around my shoulders. I have given up on my ears and nose. They are being sacrificed to the weather gods.

Yesterday, Tommy and I were so cold that we just went and got back in bed under all 3 blankets in our fleece sheets (not flannel, FLEECE -- they are the effing greatest. It's like sleeping in a sweatshirt that's still all fuzzy) and took my travel alarm clock which has a thermometer under there with us. We huddled like two sad rabbits in a fuzzy rabbit warren and watched the numbers tick up degree by degree until it was confirmed that it was at least 20 degrees colder outside of the blankets. This depressed us somewhat.

Spain is great for a lot of reasons but apartment construction is not one of them. Stone captures all that cold and damp really effectively.

So to combat these bone-chilling temperatures, I'm giving you guys a recipe that will warm you right up...because it is spicy as all hell. Nothing like some good chili pepper sweats to make you forget that your pinky finger is starting to turn the color of a blueberry!

This recipe is incredibly easy and incredibly delicious as well. You would think that avocado and salmon don't go well together but you would also be wrong. Gotta get that good fat as TMo would say. This pairs nicely with some toasty brown rice to bring the flavors all together. Feel free to reduce the levels of heat if you're sensitive to spice but I think it's pretty damn delicious as is.

I made this in a George Foreman grill because they are the greatest invention ever but you can also grill the salmon or use your broiler. Just don't overcook it because ew.

Speaking of salmon, Tommy and I got the best piece of salmon I've ever tasted a few weeks ago. It was so mild and delicious it honestly was like eating pure butter. I love living in a coastal city. Seafood for everybody! Seafood for all! You get a fish and you get a fish and you get a fish everybody gets a fish!

Ingredients:

For the Salmon:
2 lbs. of salmon, cut into 4 pieces
1 tbs. EVOO
1tsp. salt
1 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. onion powder
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 tsp. ancho chili powder
1/2 tsp. crushed reds
1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper

For the Avocado Salsa:
2 avocados, diced
1/2 small red onion, roughly chopped
Juice from 2 limes
1 clove garlic, finely minced
1-2 tbs. finely chopped cilantro or parsley (I use parsley because cilantro tastes like soapy dishwater to me)
Salt and more crushed reds (if desired) to taste

1. Combine spice mixture in a small bowl.

2. Rub salmon fillets with EVOO and spice mixture, coating evenly. Refrigerate for 30 minutes (but no longer).

3. While the fish is chilling, combine all ingredients for the avocado salsa and chill.

4. Grill, George Foreman (I just made that a verb), or broil the salmon until flaky and no longer translucent in the center, about 5-8 minutes depending on thickness of the fillet.

5. Serve the salmon with a hefty dollop of avocado salsa on top.

Gone Fishin'

As I have previously discussed, Sunday is the ugly stepsister of the week. It's lazy but cranky at the same time. You have this overwhelming, nagging urge to do something productive but you literally JUST CAN'T close your laptop. You say you're going to brunch at 11:30 and then end up getting day-drunk on Andre mimosas alone in your bathroom. Wait.

Fun fact: a bottle of Andre knocked a majority of my front tooth out on New Years 2013. It was a good look for me.

I wasn't kidding. But I like to think I rocked it.

Back to sucky Sundays though, I have a cure. Not a cure-all, mind you, but at least enough to make you feel accomplished and homey. Fish and chips.

I know what you're thinking, that sounds like a lot of work. But I swear it's not. And you will seriously reap the rewards afterwards.

Tommy and I went to the mercado central to buy fresh cod for the recipe, and this is the type of fish I would recommend
using. Tilapia fillets might work if that's all you have on  hand but I wouldn't bank on it. And besides, grocery stores are open in the States on Sundays so you really have no excuse.

I served the fish with an old recipe I had for wedge oven fries that I think was my mom's but I don't really remember. These oven fries are one of Tommy's favorite things but to be fair he loves the lowly potato in all its forms. They're salty and a little spicy and deliciously crunchy. Plus you really can just leave them and forget them, except to flip halfway through baking. Start to finish I would say that this dinner is only about 15 minutes of prep and 15 minutes of active cooking for the fish (20 minutes of baking for the fries). That seems reasonable, doesn't it? Tartar sauce and malt vinegar not optional. If you put ketchup on your fish and chips then honestly don't speak to me ever again.

Skinning fish like it's my job. Whammy!

For the Oven-Fried Potatoes:
3-4 large russet potatoes, scrubbed and quartered
1/4 c. olive oil
1/4 tsp. spicy paprika
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. onion powder
Freshly ground black pepper and kosher salt to taste

For the Fish:
4 6-oz. fillets, cut in half
1/3 c. cornmeal
1/3 c. all-purpose flour
2 egg whites
2 tbs. cold water
1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
Kosher salt, to taste
1 1/2 c. vegetable oil for frying (or as needed)


To make the potatoes:

1. Preheat the oven to 350F. Arrange the potato wedges on a well-oiled or foil-lined baking sheet.

2. Coat the potatoes in the olive oil, shaking as needed to distribute the oil evenly. Sprinkle the paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper over the tops of the potatoes. Shake again to distribute the spices.

3. Bake for about 20 minutes, or until golden brown and crispy, flipping halfway through.

To make the fish:

1. On two separate soup plates, combine the egg white and water and whisk the dry ingredients except salt.

2. Pat the fish fillets dry, and dip first into the egg white and then into the cornmeal mix, making sure to coat well.

Shake off any excess cornmeal and set aside on a plate. Repeat with all the pieces of the fish. Do not stack.

3. Heat the oil in a large, heavy bottomed frying pan with high sides until not quite smoking. Add the fish in batches, making sure they don't touch each other. Cook fish for about 3 to 5 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Remove from oil and drain on paper towels. Season with salt to taste.

What's the dill?

I don't know about the rest of the country, but it was damn beautiful in College Park these past few days. The weather has been absurdly springy--crocuses popping up, blue skies, temps above 50 degrees, the whole deal.

When the weather gets really pretty like this it makes me want to eat similarly springy foods. Ones that are bright and citrusy and won't put you into a carb coma. For me, this means seafood. One of the great things about going to school on the East Coast is that I get way better fish out here than I possibly could in Chicago. It's just a matter of logistics. Thusly, my body composition is roughly 60 percent seafood for eight months out of the year. I don't hate it.

Salmon is probably my favorite fish to eat, partially because it's so versatile and partially because it's very difficult to screw up. Tommy is also a big fan and when I visited him last weekend for Valentine's Day/C.R.A.S.H-B's (a massive indoor rowing race held annually in Boston) I decided to make salmon for him.

Since it was our first Valentine's Day together, we wanted to make it special and go to a nice restaurant. Only thing was, when we tried to find a reservation in January, everything was booked until 10 pm and your only dining option was a $100-plus pre fixe menu. So we said to hell with that, and I offered to cook us a nice dinner.

Tommy went off to afternoon practice and I went to Whole Foods to get the salmon. I got a gorgeous piece and the fishmonger very kindly removed almost all of the pin bones for me. Upon returning to the apartment, I realized Tommy had forgotten to give me his keys. I sat outside his door with a pound of salmon and a bottle of champagne in my bag for about five minutes, trying to decide what to do. My only choice was to schlep all the way over to the boathouse, a 20-minute walk from the apartment.

But I had no choice. So I went to the boathouse and as I was getting the keys who should walk out of the locker room but one of the coaches, and he looked none too happy to see me. I got out of there pretty fast.

Luckily it was cold so the salmon didn't suffer any after sitting in my Longchamp for 40 minutes while getting smashed by bottle of champagne. And dinner turned out perfectly.

This recipe is super duper easy and only requires three ingredients besides salt, pepper and olive oil. It also looks really pretty which is an added bonus. It's a perfect dinner for this mild weather, until the second polar vortex hits anyway...

Ingredients
1 lb salmon (not steaks)
2-3 lemons
1/8 c. olive oil plus 1 tbs.
5-6 tbs. dill, minced
Salt and pepper to taste

1. Oil the bottom of a baking dish with the 1 tbs. of olive oil. Line the bottom with the lemons, thinly sliced.

2. Mix together the dill, remaining olive oil and salt and pepper to taste.

3. Place the salmon, skin-side down, on the lemons. Spread the dill-oil mixture on top, covering the flesh evenly.

4. Bake at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes, depending on the thickness of the filet.

Heads will roll

Before: a seemingly sizable amount of shrimp.

After: definitely not enough shrimp.

So Tommy and I learned a valuable lesson about buying fresh shrimp today: you do not get what you pay for. 9 Euros worth of shrimp equated to (cooked) about two mouthfuls. Ha ha, funny joke Mercado Central.  You got us this time.

That being said, it was a good experience learning how to clean (behead, peel and de-vein) shrimp and they were probably some of the best I've had. Fresh seafood is just so much better than the frozen stuff, both in taste and texture. They were firm and sweet and a little salty, not nasty and iodine-flavored like the frozen kind that come in huge packages.

Anyway, I threw together a magic coconut curry with the help of our family friend Jasmine who is from Jamaica and is one of the best cooks I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. She used to work in a restaurant back in Jamaica and as a result, refuses to measure anything which annoys me when I beg for her recipe for shrimp curry. Luckily, it seemed that Jasmine was watching over me because I totally made up a recipe and hoped for the best. Typically this is fine but curry is tricky, and too much spice makes whatever you're cooking really bitter and disgusting. This being my very first curry dish, I was extremely pleased with the results.

I also actually liked the fact that we put in some chicken breast along with the shrimp. Even though it was a quick fix because it didn't have enough protein, the surf-and-turf thing really worked this time and I'd do the same thing all over again. Except not with such expensive shrimp. Good god.

I know there are some kind of random ingredients here, because I don't really know any other 21 year olds besides me with curry in their spice cabinets but it's a good purchase just to have if you want to throw together a quick meal and it won't go bad for awhile. Plus, you can easily double or triple this recipe to feed a crowd. The only sort of expensive part is the coconut milk and even that isn't so pricey. You can also flesh this out with potatoes and green or yellow peppers and it'll taste great. Also, don't balk at the addition of a Grannysmith apple. It adds a really nice textural and flavor component and without it, the dish feels lacking.

Just hanging with my new BFF.

Ingredients: 

1 can coconut milk

1 quarter red pepper, chopped and seeded

1 quarter Grannysmith apple, chopped

1 onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic

2 chicken breasts

1/2 kilo shrimp

2 tbs. olive oil

2 tsp. curry powder

1 small hot chile, finely chopped and seeded (or to taste)

1. In a large soup pot over medium heat, mix together the coconut milk, curry powder, chile and apple.

2. In a saucepan, saute all of the vegetables and garlic together over medium heat until just cooked (still a little crisp).  Add the veggies and cleaned shrimp to the stock pot.

3. Saute the chicken breasts until golden brown in the leftover oil and then add to the soup pot. Continue to simmer for 20 minutes or until fragrant. Serve over rice or eat it plain.

How to clean shrimp:

1. Pinch the head of the shrimp between your thumb and index finger and break it off sharply. If you're timid, it might not come all the way off. Do this over a garbage can because the head is where all the nasty stuff is.

2. Pull the tail off of the shrimp using the same motion. Don't yank sideways because you could pull off part of the meat too. It should slide off pretty easily.

3. From the underside of the shrimp, peel back the shell in between the legs. It may come away in one smooth motion or you might have to do it in parts.

4. Pull out the vein in the center of the shrimp. It should come out with relative ease but if not, use a sharp paring knife and run it down the spine. You can then pull out the vein.

This picture does not have anything to do with properly de-veining shrimp.

Anything that can go wrong...

...will.

It was the first night of Tommy and I trying out the Paleo diet. I had spent an inordinate sum of money at the Mercado (read: 20 Euros?) and bought a gorgeous hunk of bright pink salmon that I intended to slather with a sweet and spicy curry sauce and then serve with pan-fried eggplant.

It was not to be.

First of all, we had no curry powder. Tommy went out to get some after his workout at the Alicante rowing club and came back with paprika. This makes 3 jars of paprika we own between us now. I'd say that's a bit much.

Then I realized I had no idea how to pan-fry eggplant.

Oh and did I mention the nice ladies who sold me the salmon also gave me two free calamari squids? And when I tried to cook them they turned out rubbery and tasteless? Very little boded well for this meal.

Fortunately, the kitchen gods were on my side that night because the salmon experiment turned out fantastically well and the pan-fried eggplant did too, albeit a little greasy. Did you know eggplant is really porous? I didn't.

So the salmon is stupid easy: just a little mayo, paprika (obviously), salt and pepper mixed together and fresh ginger grated on top. I squeezed lime juice over the top to finish and it made it even better. This would have been delicious with some wild rice but we're not supposed to be eating grains...sigh.

About the eggplant: I honestly don't know how much oil or butter to use to properly pan-fry it. I just kept pouring oil in when things looked like they were sticking and it was the wrong choice. I'd say start with about  1/4 cup of olive oil and heat it until it's almost smoking then fry the eggplant in batches for a minute or so each side. Slice the eggplant so that it's at most 1 inch thick.

First night of the Paleo diet: check.

It's going to be a long ass week.

Ingredients:

12 to 14 oz. fresh salmon
1/8 c. mayo
1/4 tsp. paprika
Salt and pepper to taste
1/4 tsp. freshly grated ginger
Lime (for serving)

1. Set the salmon on a large baking sheet lined with foil.

2. In a small bowl, mix the mayo, paprika, salt and pepper and spread it over the tops and sides of the salmon. Sprinkle the grated ginger on top of the mayo.

3. Bake for 20 or 30 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit or until salmon flakes with a fork and is light pink all the way through.

4. Serve with wedges of fresh lime

Let's just marinate

Beautiful, beautiful tuna steaks.

I could, and intend to, write an entire post about the glorious building that is Mercado Central: over 100 stalls selling dried fruits and nuts, eggs, bread and pastries, fresh fish and seafood, fruits, vegetables, goat heads, cheese, meats, the list goes on and on. Plus, it's supremely, superbly, gloriously inexpensive. Tommy and I bought about three pounds of produce for under 10 Euros and two hunks of tuna steak (fresh) for another 9.

The best part about the Mercado, besides the selection and the prices, is that it offers up the opportunity to practice your Spanish. This is an extra-special boon to me due to my inability to converse intelligently about anything other than edible products. The man we bought our chorizo and manchego from told me I spoke very well, the fish vendor asked where Tommy and I were from. So hmm.

Anyway, we bought these incredible tuna steaks that were from a fish that was allegedly caught that morning and probably weighed as much as I do. Really, truly, terrifyingly large.

The head was unavailable for me to see but if you are in the market to purchase seafood, check the eyes: if they're cloudy, the product is old and you should skip it. Shrimp, crayfish, prawns should all be firm to the touch and if I were you I'd ask the seller to de-vein them right then and there because it is a tricky, messy, endocrine business I'm sure you want nothing to do with. If they give you attitude, find a different seller. Same goes for buying fish you want filleted. That's typically part of a fishmonger's job so don't be shy about asking.

Anyway, back to the tuna. We cooked it later that night after marinating it at room temperature for just under an hour in an Asian-inspired marinade I made up off the top of my head. If you are in the states and can find Soy Vey Teriyaki sauce this would also work well (for beef and chicken too).

After marinating, we pan-fried the tuna for just a few minutes on each side and served it over fluffy white rice and it was so fucking good. The perfect combination of sweet, savory, tangy, salty deliciousness. If I had crushed red peppers (which I can't seem to find in this country), I would've added them too for a hint of heat and maybe some green onions.

Not to blow my own horn, but this marinade was the stuff of genius. It will certainly be made again very soon. Ditto the mojitos mixologist Tommy cooked up which were unbelievably good as well, perhaps due to the large amounts of sugar he added.

Ingredients:
12 oz. fresh tuna, without skin
2 tbs. olive oil
1 tbs. honey
1 tsp. soy sauce
Juice of 2 limes and 1/2 lemon
1 clove garlic, minced
Cracked black pepper

1. Whisk all the marinade ingredients together in a large bowl and place the tuna steaks in there. Let marinate at room temperature for 45 minutes, turning the steaks once or twice.

2. In a large saucepan over medium heat, cook the tuna steaks for 2-3 minutes each side (depending on thickness). If you like your tuna seared (cooked on the outside and raw in the middle), cook only for a minute or two.

3. When the tuna is cooked through (it should flake into sections with your fork), remove from heat immediately and serve over rice.