Souped Up

If you know me at all, you know my feelings on souped-up vehicles which is to say: I view them with crushing scorn accompanied by an eye-roll so fierce that my eyeballs threaten to get stuck facing opposite directions in their sockets.

Something like this.

Your matte paint job reminds me of long, fake nails with a pink-tinged French manicure. Your lack of a muffler makes me want to call the cops and report you to the Department of Motor Vehicles for some unknown violation (yeah, I'm THAT person). Your absurd yellow halogen headlights are not only supremely stupid looking but incredibly dangerous for all oncoming traffic. Your car, as a whole, inspires me to open my own chop shop where I use the 3-pound meat cleaver my dad got as a gift from his younger bother where I service only your car and by service I mean hack that godforsaken thing into bits and then recycle it, piece by piece, while you watch.

Souped up cars are not my thing.

But souped up cold remedies sure as hell are. Oh yes my friends, I am on my second ear infection of the school year. My left ear is throbbing with pain and I imagine an inside view of my sinuses looks like a water park clogged with sodden autumnal foliage. Take a second and picture that.

I've told you all before that when I'm sick I am a fiend for soup. I love soup so much I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant (credit: Tracy Jordan). I especially love this soup, which is something of an acquired taste.

Because as much as I hate dumb, souped up cars, I FREAKING LOVE KOREAN FOOD. Yes, that was a big jump, but you will soon learn why.

I am blessed to have not one but two half-Korean friends who introduced me to the wondrous joy that is K-food long ago. From hot stone bowls to fresh tofu to old kimchi to fish cakes to tiny chili-covered fish to unpronounceable baked goods filled with bean curd and mango, I love it all. The gigantic Korean grocery H-Mart is my happy place and I fully enjoy being one of three white people when I visit.

I also fully enjoy when either of my friends or their Korean family members cooks for me. I am a total mooch and I will certainly invite myself over when they are having Korean barbecue. I actually have requested lunch that my friend Tammi's mother cook me a special lunch on more than one occasion and because Tammi is a kind soul she relays that message to her mother Kai and I get to stuff my face.

One of my favorite things that Kai makes is a soup called miyuk gook. It's a really simple combination of broth, seaweed, cooked rice and bits of beef. Tammi always eats it when she's sick and it's become one of my favorite comfort foods when I'm feeling under the weather as well.

Of course if you're not super into seaweed it might not be your jam, but I am a huge fan of that weird salty stuff and have been known to snack on sheets of plain nori paper so...

This is a bastardized recipe for that incredibly comforting soup. It comes together really quickly, and if you don't have any beef lying around you can certainly leave it out.

Now I'm going to go back under my quilt and watch 8 more episodes of Friends. I hate being sick.

Ingredients:

2.5 c. dried miyuk seaweed, cut into strips (can be found at most Asian groceries or specialty foods stores)

1 tbs. sesame oil

3 tbs. soy sauce

2 cloves of garlic, minced

About 4 oz. beef, drained of blood and minced

6 c. water

1 c. cooked white rice

1. Rehydrate the miyuk in a large bowl of water for about 20 minutes. It will grow substantially so use a good-sized bowl.

2. While the seaweed is soaking, sautee the beef with the sesame oil, soy sauce and garlic until not quite cooked through.

3. Remove the seaweed from the water bath, drain, sprinkle with kosher salt and rinse thoroughly.

4. Add the miyuk to the beef and continue to cook for another 5-6 minutes. Add the water and the cooked rice and bring to a boil. Let simmer for about 20 minutes and serve immediately.

U-G-L-Y You Ain't Got No Alibi

Not all food is pretty. More specifically, not all GOOD food is pretty. Examples like three-bean chili, almost any form of stew and oysters leap to mind. Tastes good, looks like dog food. Such a pain to photograph.

To quote Jonathan Swift (who was surprisingly sassy): "He was a brave man who first eat an oyster."

But just because dinner is ugly doesn't mean you should hate. Embrace the homely. Encourage it to pluck its eyebrows and dress for its body type. Try and arrange it lovingly on a bed of rice or quinoa. Wait. I'm confused.

This is my best Catholic friend who is giving up everything for Lent. 

In honor of one of my best friends who is giving up all things delicious for Lent, (including meat, eggs, fish, cheese, refined carbs and beer) dinner tonight is a quick red-bean stew. It's super-fast, vegan, malleable and keeps well in the fridge. It's vaguely reminiscent of bean chili but with less of a Tex-Mex flavor profile.

I've served it over rice and quinoa both but feel free to experiment with other grains like farro and freekeh. Make sure to use something with good texture though because otherwise it'll be a big pile of mush. If you're feeling fancy it would also pair well with cornbread.

Feel free to adjust the spice levels to your liking. Sweet corn, jalapeños and shredded chicken are all good additions as well. The original version of this recipe started out with cubed, seasoned chicken as one of the main ingredients but in order to keep it lower-impact Tommy and I have stuck to making it vegan.

Ingredients:

3 or 4 cans red beans (depending on how large a batch you'd like to make)
1 medium white onion, chopped
1 red pepper, chopped
1/2 mild green pepper, chopped
3-4 tomatoes, chopped OR 1 can diced tomatoes in juice
3 tbs. EVOO
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 tsp. onion powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. freshly ground pepper
1/4 tsp. very spicy ground red pepper or crushed reds (adjust to taste -- what we've been using packs a powerful punch)
1 c. vegetable stock

1. In a large stock pot, sautee onion, green and red peppers

until the onion is starting to brown and get fragrant. Add the tomatoes and cook for another 2-3 minutes or until the tomatoes begin to break down.

2. Add all seasonings and cook for another minute or two more until flavors combine.

3. Add the beans and cook, stirring occasionally for about 20 minutes or until the beans start to break down. Add the stock and stir to combine. Let simmer for another 5 minutes or so. Serve over rice/quinoa/etc.

NOTE: Tommy likes to mash the beans against the side of the pot to give it a smoother texture. I personally prefer leaving the beans whole but it's up to you.

Orzo I'm Told (Alternate Title: A Strongly-Worded Letter to My Immune System)

This is a really bad pun, I know. It's what I call a "Dad pun" -- corny enough your dad could have made it (mine especially...love you Daddyo). But I'm sick with a miserable cold so you know what, let me have my terrible corny puns.

As you can see above, this post could also be titled "A Strongly-Worded Letter to My Immune System." Seriously, I eat so many fruits and vegetables. I bathe myself in hand sanitizer during the school day. I drink tons of water. Why does my immune system hate me? YOU HAD ONE JOB. If I had to guess, it probably has something to do with the fact that the kids at school (who I love, don't get me wrong) are tiny fountains of boogers and germs. That's probably it. Yeah.

When I'm sick, there's only a few things I want: a fuzzy blanket, gallons of apple juice, saltine crackers and soup. Lots and lots of soup. I've eaten soup almost every day this week, some days for both lunch and dinner. Which is cool because this chicken soup with lemon and orzo lends itself well to being eaten for two meals a day.

Orzo is delicious, so I got that going for me.

Sorry this looks dumb; Google Blogger doesn't allow gifs because it's clinging to the Stone Age.

Anyway, this is a fantastic updated comfort-food soup. It takes your basic chicken soup and brightens it with the addition of fresh lemon juice and herbs. Also the orzo is a fun new take on adding noodles to soup. I guarantee you, once you make this it might be hard to go back to plain ol' chicken noodle. 

I personally like my soup very lemony so I add another squeeze of lemon juice just before serving but it's up to you. I also like my soup very brothy so this calls for kind of a lot of stock. If you like a thicker soup that's cool too.

Although I must say, I would do baaaaad things for a vat of matzoh ball soup from Max and Benny's deli in my hometown. So light and fluffy. They must cheat. They've got to be cheating. It's unnatural.

Ingredients:
2 tbs. EVOO, divided
1 lb. chicken breasts (boneless, skinless), cut into 1-inch chunks
3-4 garlic cloves, minced (to taste)
1 onion, diced
3 large carrots, peeled and diced
2 stalks celery, diced
1/2 tsp. fresh thyme, finely minced
8 c. chicken stock
2 bay leaves
1 sprig rosemary
Juice of 1 large lemon
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
2 tbs. chopped fresh parsley leaves

1. Heat 1 tbs. of the EVOO in a large stockpot or a Dutch oven over medium heat. Season chicken with salt and pepper to taste.

Add chicken to the stockpot and cook until golden, about 2-3 minutes; set aside.

2. Add remaining 1 tbs. of oil to the pot. Add garlic, onion, carrots and celery. Cook, stirring frequently until tender, about 3-4 minutes. Stir in thyme until fragrant, about 1 minute.

3. Whisk in chicken stock, bay leaves and 1 cup of water. Bring to a boil. Stir in orzo, rosemary and chicken. Reduce heat and simmer until orzo is tender, about 10 minutes.

Stir in lemon juice and parsley; season with salt and pepper to taste and serve immediately.

This recipe is lightly adapted from DamnDelicious.com

The Doctor is In

Hello all you miserable people.

Are you clutching your stomachs in pain?

Breaking wind like New York cabdrivers: shamelessly and with abandon?

How's your digestive system doing today?

Are you still laboring under the delusion that you could digest that third plate of turkey and mashed potatoes with half a cup of gravy?

Or are you appreciating the cool tile of the bathroom floor as it ingrains itself permanently into your cheek?

Do your jaws ache from chewing?

Does your heart ache from that hideous Bears loss to the Lions (or is that just me)?

Does the thought of having to eat leftovers today cause a not-altogether-enjoyable tingle to run up your spine?

Has anyone noticed my not-so-subtle tribute to Pete Wells' legendary dismantling of Guy Fieri's abortion of a restaurant in New York City?

Would you like to know where I'm going with this?

To offset Thursday's gluttony and then Friday's leftovers orgy, I present to you a quick and simple detox soup with carrots and ginger, a natural digestive aid.

It's inexpensive, incredibly healthy and doesn't require a $400 juicer or an idiotic cleanse.

By the way--juicing is not good for you. Juicing takes all the fiber and most of the nutrients out of whatever you are eating. If you want to lose weight, eat more vegetables and protein and fewer refined carbohydrates. There is no miracle cure for weight loss, and your body naturally rids itself of ingested toxins with the help of your liver (REMEMBER THAT VITAL ORGAN?). So stop throwing money away on overpriced "superjuices" when you could eat a salad (no croutons, no cheese, homemade vinaigrette) and go for a 30-minute walk with better results. Okay, rant over.

Anyway, Doctor Suss says eat a nice bowl of this bright and spicy carrot-ginger detox soup, go for a light workout, get a solid 8 hours of sleep tonight and call me in the morning.

This recipe was lightly adapted from POPSugar Fitness and makes about 6 larger servings.

NOTE: Tommy wasn't a huge fan of the thyme in the yogurt topping and said he would leave it out. I personally didn't mind it but the flavor combination was certainly interesting. Your call.

Ingredients
2 tbs. EVOO
1 c. chopped white onion
2 tbs. minced garlic
4 tbs. minced peeled ginger (or to taste--I like mine spicy)
2 lbs. carrots, peeled and chopped into coins
1 medium russet potato, peeled and chopped
6 c. low-sodium chicken or vegetable stock
1 1/3 c. plain low-fat Greek yogurt
1 tsp. honey
1/4 c. pine nuts, toasted
1 tsp. finely minced thyme
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

1. Heat EVOO over medium-high heat in a heavy pot or Dutch oven and add the onion. Sprinkle with freshly ground black pepper and 1/2 tsp. of salt and cook, stirring constantly, for about 10 minutes or until the onion just starts to brown and caramelize.

2. Reduce the heat to medium-low. Add the garlic and ginger and cook for 2 more minutes, stirring constantly. Do not burn the garlic! Add the chicken stock, carrots and potatoes. Bring to a simmer and cover. Cook until the carrots and potatoes are very tender, about 20 to 25 minutes.






3. While the soup is simmering, combine the greek yogurt, thyme and honey. Whisk to combine and set aside.



4. When the soup has finished simmering, CAREFULLY puree with an immersion blender or in small batches in a regular blender until very smooth.

5. Serve with a dollop of the greek yogurt and a sprinkle of toasted pine nuts.

Bean there, done that

So happy to be eating my cooking again, obviously.

So my boyfriend Tommy was in College Park this weekend for the first time since our sophomore year of college. This unhappy statistic is due in part to the fact that he is a college athlete and therefore blinks/breathes when his coaches say so and also to that ridiculous snowstorm that the Northeast got last year around this time.

Naturally, I wanted to pull out all the stops when he came. So I brought him to the best place in College Park: R.J Bentley's Filling Station. This vomit-soaked bar is my Siren song and I am eternally doomed to every Friday dash myself against the rocks of their $2 rails. Tommy really dug it so obviously I picked a good one.

But when it comes to dining, CP is absurdly low on options. My grandmother, god bless her, suggested I make cornish game hen. I didn't have the heart to tell her that UMD is conveniently located in the ghetto when I got in so I think she believes it looks more like Georgetown. Anyway, the only game hens around here are few, far between and deep in hiding. So I asked Tommy what he'd like. He said jambalaya but I am not a huge fan so I nixed that in favor of my own wishes (girlfriend of the year right here folks) and decided to make chili.

I friggin LOVE chili. Oh my god. I know it's not the sexiest food and it kind of looks like barf but oh my god. OH MY GOD.

White, three bean, beef? With cheese, sour cream, chopped onions, green onions? Mild, medium, spicy, I just shit lava? Yes. All of them. Now. My mecca looks something like a chili cookoff without all the types of people that usually frequent those events. Maybe one attended by the casts of The Royal Tenenbaums and Crazy, Stupid Love. I would way rather see Ryan Gosling go to town on a pot of white chili with ham chunks than a fat dude with mustard stains on his George Strait t-shirt. Okay sorry that was mean but seriously, who would you pick?

Ryan. Duh.

Now you be laboring under the misconception that chili is very time consuming to make and involves a lot of stewing and simmering. Some kinds are like that, but many are not. The three-bean chili I like to make does not involve very much simmering. It actually has very few steps (but kind of a lot of ingredients--do your best). Of course you can leave it on the stove while you eat dinner on a very low heat to let the flavors deepen but it's not necessary.

This recipe also calls for ground turkey instead of beef because Tommy gets upset about the cow farts. It's so cute how much he loves the environment. Anyway, feel free to substitute ground beef and any other sorts of meat you may have laying around. If you have spicy Italian sausage, that's a surprisingly tasty addition. This also makes a good amount of leftovers and freezes exceptionally well so you'll have some hearty dinners on hand for the long stretch of winter we still have ahead of us.

Side note: I have started to wonder if I will ever feel my toes again. My mom sent this picture of our courtyard today:

Illinois: where we shovel snow to make room for more snow.

Three-Bean Turkey Chili

Ingredients:
1 can black beans
1 can red beans
1 can pink beans
1 can crushed tomatoes in juice
1 6-oz can tomato paste
1 lb. ground turkey
1 medium onion, chopped
3 large cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tbs. oregano
1 tsp. crushed reds (or to taste if that's too spicy)
1/2 tsp. paprika
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
Salt to taste
Shredded sharp cheddar and sour cream for serving (Pro tip: fat free greek yogurt tastes almost exactly the same and is way healthier. Tommy couldn't even tell the difference)

1. In a large stock pot, combine all of the beans, tomatoes and paste and spices over medium heat. Stir to combine.

2. While the beans are heating,
brown the turkey with the onion and garlic.

3. When the turkey is browned, add to the beans and stir again to combine. Let simmer for about 15-20 minutes. Serve with sour cream and cheddar.

Hello, gorgeous.

Sunday Fronday

Sunday is unquestionably the second-worst day of the week. First prize obviously goes to that bastard Monday but Sunday might actually be worse in that you know you have the day off but you still have to go back to real life in just a few short hours.

That's why I advocate for comfort food all day on Sunday, from pancakes in the morning to a soul-satisfying entree for dinner at night.

I also like soul-satisfying entrees that don't involve a metric shit-ton of work, like the whole chicken I tangoed with last night. But that's another story.

Hello, gorgeous.

So what is this magical Sunday Fronday? Three words for you, babe:

French.

Onion.

Soup.

Also known as Fronion soup when I'm too lazy to type all that out.

A rich beef broth smothered in toasted baguette and oozy, melted Gruyere and parmesean makes my heart beat just a little quicker.

I was having a terrible craving for restaurant-style fronion soup and so I looked up a recipe and was pleased to see that not only is it pretty low-maintenance, it also has fewer ingredients than I thought it would. The recipe I used called for the addition of vermouth or dry white wine and I really liked what it did for the soup base. I didn't have dry thyme or a bay leaf so I just used my herbs du Provence mixture. If you have mixed Italian seasoning this can also be a substitute. I also used a hunk of beef and bone that Tommy had cooked the other night which made the flavor much richer. Plus while the soup simmered, the beef fell of the bone and mingled with the onions and...well, damn.

There are two things I'll say here before we get started. The first is that if you really want amazing Fronion soup you have to shell out for the good beef stock, not the off-brand one that's only a buck fifty. If you're fancy you can make your own but I think it takes a long time and I have no idea how to do it so you're on your own there. The second is that you should add more stock and wine than you think you'll need because the baguette will soak up a lot of it and then you'll be left with more mush than anything else.

With those two provisos in mind, let's make some Fronion soup.

Ingredients:
6 large yellow onions, peeled and chopped
3-4 tbs. olive oil
1/4 tsp. sugar
2 cloves garlic, minced
8-10 cups beef stock
1/2 cup dry vermouth or white wine
1 bay leaf
1/4 tsp. dry thyme
Cracked black pepper
8 slices well-toasted (but not burned) french bread
1 1/2 c. grated Gruyere and parmesean

1. In a large soup pot, saute the onions in the olive oil on medium high heat until well-browned but not burned, about 30-40 minutes. Add the sugar about 10 minutes in to help with the caramelizing.









2. Add the garlic and saute for 1 more minute. Add the stock, wine, bay leaf and thyme (and beef/bone if you have it). Cover partially and simmer until the flavors are well blended, about 30 minutes. Season with pepper and discard the bay leaf.

3. Place the toasts on top of the soup and sprinkle the cheese in an even layer.




















4. Broil in the oven for about 10 minutes at 350 degrees
or until the cheese is melted and bubbly and smelling oh-so-good. Serve immediately.

Heads will roll

Before: a seemingly sizable amount of shrimp.

After: definitely not enough shrimp.

So Tommy and I learned a valuable lesson about buying fresh shrimp today: you do not get what you pay for. 9 Euros worth of shrimp equated to (cooked) about two mouthfuls. Ha ha, funny joke Mercado Central.  You got us this time.

That being said, it was a good experience learning how to clean (behead, peel and de-vein) shrimp and they were probably some of the best I've had. Fresh seafood is just so much better than the frozen stuff, both in taste and texture. They were firm and sweet and a little salty, not nasty and iodine-flavored like the frozen kind that come in huge packages.

Anyway, I threw together a magic coconut curry with the help of our family friend Jasmine who is from Jamaica and is one of the best cooks I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. She used to work in a restaurant back in Jamaica and as a result, refuses to measure anything which annoys me when I beg for her recipe for shrimp curry. Luckily, it seemed that Jasmine was watching over me because I totally made up a recipe and hoped for the best. Typically this is fine but curry is tricky, and too much spice makes whatever you're cooking really bitter and disgusting. This being my very first curry dish, I was extremely pleased with the results.

I also actually liked the fact that we put in some chicken breast along with the shrimp. Even though it was a quick fix because it didn't have enough protein, the surf-and-turf thing really worked this time and I'd do the same thing all over again. Except not with such expensive shrimp. Good god.

I know there are some kind of random ingredients here, because I don't really know any other 21 year olds besides me with curry in their spice cabinets but it's a good purchase just to have if you want to throw together a quick meal and it won't go bad for awhile. Plus, you can easily double or triple this recipe to feed a crowd. The only sort of expensive part is the coconut milk and even that isn't so pricey. You can also flesh this out with potatoes and green or yellow peppers and it'll taste great. Also, don't balk at the addition of a Grannysmith apple. It adds a really nice textural and flavor component and without it, the dish feels lacking.

Just hanging with my new BFF.

Ingredients: 

1 can coconut milk

1 quarter red pepper, chopped and seeded

1 quarter Grannysmith apple, chopped

1 onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic

2 chicken breasts

1/2 kilo shrimp

2 tbs. olive oil

2 tsp. curry powder

1 small hot chile, finely chopped and seeded (or to taste)

1. In a large soup pot over medium heat, mix together the coconut milk, curry powder, chile and apple.

2. In a saucepan, saute all of the vegetables and garlic together over medium heat until just cooked (still a little crisp).  Add the veggies and cleaned shrimp to the stock pot.

3. Saute the chicken breasts until golden brown in the leftover oil and then add to the soup pot. Continue to simmer for 20 minutes or until fragrant. Serve over rice or eat it plain.

How to clean shrimp:

1. Pinch the head of the shrimp between your thumb and index finger and break it off sharply. If you're timid, it might not come all the way off. Do this over a garbage can because the head is where all the nasty stuff is.

2. Pull the tail off of the shrimp using the same motion. Don't yank sideways because you could pull off part of the meat too. It should slide off pretty easily.

3. From the underside of the shrimp, peel back the shell in between the legs. It may come away in one smooth motion or you might have to do it in parts.

4. Pull out the vein in the center of the shrimp. It should come out with relative ease but if not, use a sharp paring knife and run it down the spine. You can then pull out the vein.

This picture does not have anything to do with properly de-veining shrimp.

Souper Bass

Here are things that suck:

The Green Bay Packers
Hangnails
People who tYpE lYKKK d!s <3333
Mononucleosis

I'm just one viral disease away from my goal weight!

Unfortunately for one of my good friends here with me in Spain, she is currently being stomped on by the latter of these things: the dreaded mono.

That poor girl left her apartment for the first time in a week this Sunday. Talk about terrible timing.

Another of my close friends from home had mono a few summers ago and thought it would be funny to eat an entire twice-baked potato from a rib joint near our houses and paid the price for it when she finally digested it a week later. With this in mind, I decided to whip up some chicken soup for my friend here in Spain to hopefully speed the healing process.

Let it be stated here that chicken soup has been scientifically proven to help bolster the immune system.

At first I wasn't going to blog about it because chicken soup is kind of boring, but honestly it's fantastic comfort food and it's so easy to make that once you've done it you'll be over Campbell's for good. My mom usually adds dried sage and a bay leaf or two as the base flavors but you can leave them out and it'll still be good.

Also if you want to cheat, use a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken. I prefer the organic ones from Costco but any will do.

If and when you add noodles, know that they will soak up a majority of the liquid if it sits in the fridge overnight so keep that in mind.

Ingredients:
1 box chicken broth
2-3 cups of water
2 cups cooked chicken breast, chopped into bite-sized pieces
3 large sprigs of fresh dill
1/2 medium onion, minced
3 stalks celery, diced
1 large carrot, peeled and sliced into rounds
3 tbs. butter
Cracked pepper, salt to taste

1. In a large saucepan, saute the onion and celery in the butter over medium heat until the onion is translucent.

2. While the onion and celery are cooking, pour the chicken broth and water into a large soup pot, add the dill (and 1/2 tsp. sage, 2 bay leaves if you're using them) and the sliced carrots and simmer over medium-low heat.

3. When the celery and onion are cooked, add them to the soup pot and continue to simmer for about 20 minutes. Add the cooked, chopped chicken and simmer for about 10 minutes more, or until the carrot rounds are soft but not mushy. Serve immediately with cracked pepper and salt.

To add noodles: cook 1 or 2 servings of wide egg noodles separately until al dente (still firm) and drain well. Add to the pot just before taking it off the heat so they don't go all soft and fall apart like French soccer players.

This will keep, tightly covered, for about 3 days in the fridge and indefinitely in the freezer.