Rice, rice baby

God. Wasn't it just Monday like, 45 seconds ago? I swear, I was just here. Why am I here again? Monday is the worst. Ugh. Monday.

Time to eat my feelings.

I've been having a terrible craving for fried rice. The sort of greasy kind with cubed carrots and huge chunks of chicken that's so salty you can barely gulp down your Diet Coke fast enough that is so bad for you and yet so. damn. tasty.

Of course I can't digest that and also I'm poor so I decided to make my own. Also I had a lot of random stuff in my fridge/freezer/pantry I needed to use up. That's the great thing about fried rice, you can put almost anything in there.

I did the basic carrots, peas, onions, chicken and some egg but then also a handful of shrimp since I didn't have that much chicken left. Also, I used brown rice which was still good but tasted a tiny bit too healthy so if you have white rice, I encourage you to use that if you want a more authentic flavor. But be warned, white rice turns to sugar the second you digest it and is a lot less nutritious. Definitely yummier.

Also, sorry the pictures for this are shitty. I was using my iPhone because I was a genius and left my SD card for my nice camera in a computer at the journalism school. Don't remind me of how great my handle on life is.

This recipe is easy as pie but I highly recommend you have the rice cooked beforehand if you're using brown rice since it takes about 45 minutes. Also, this freezes extremely well so you can have dinner for plenty of nights. Also it soothes the Monday blues. With some frozen chicken potstickers from Trader Joe's, this is like the perfect faux-Asian comfort meal and you don't even have to feel guilty about going out and spending money you don't have because you wasted a ridiculous amount at the bar since it was homecoming weekend and you felt compelled to buy your alumni friends drinks. Or maybe that's just me. In any case, frugal is the name of the game until further notice.

Damn.

1 tbs. canola oil
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 1/2 lb. chicken meat
1/3 c. soy sauce (or to taste)
2 large carrots, diced
3/4 c. frozen peas, thawed
6 c. cooked rice (white or brown)
2 eggs
Handful of shrimp
Green onions (for garnish, if desired)

1. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add chicken, onion and garlic and sautee until chicken is almost cooked through, about 5 minutes, then add shrimp until they are no longer translucent and are light pink.

2. Stir in veggies and stir fry for another 5-6 minutes, then add rice and stir thoroughly.
















3. While the rice is busy frying, lightly grease a small pan. In a small bowl, lightly beat the eggs and quickly scramble in the pan. Use a knife or a hard spatula to slice the eggs into little pieces and mix into the rice.

4. Add the soy sauce to the large pan, stir well and serve immediately, piping hot. Add some chopped up green onions for garnish if you want.

Kale Me Maybe

I'll be the first one to come right out and say I really don't like kale all that much. I think it ruins perfectly good salads by showing up and being totally tough and unlovable, sort of like Bill Rawls on The Wire. Plus it sort of tastes like dirt (which I haven't eaten since my early childhood but couldn't have changed that much, flavor-wise).

This is why I was surprised when I found myself buying a huge bunch of the stuff at the supermarket last week. The produce at Giant is typically wretched but the kale looked...kind of sexy actually. It was dark green and frilly and just said, "Hey. Eat me."

So I did.

But first I sauteed it with onion and garlic and some spicy sausage because there's such a thing as too healthy, and kale is it.

So ultimately I ended up with this delicious pasta creation which I made for the dinner where I reunited with my old friend and the most beautiful dancer at Maryland whose name is Katie and happens to be single, boys.

It's easy and quick and totally delicious and also very much open to interpretation. Feel free to add more kale or cut out the chickpeas or deglaze the pan with chicken stock instead of white wine. It doesn't reheat especially well though so just make as much as you'll eat in one night. As someone who doesn't know what a serving of pasta looks like (and doesn't want to know either), I leave that serving size up to you.

Fettuccine with sausage and kale

Ingredients
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 lb hot turkey or pork sausage, casings discarded and sausage crumbled
1/2 lb kale, tough stems and center ribs discarded and leaves coarsely chopped
1/2 lb dried egg fettuccine
2 cloves garlic
Half a medium onion, chopped
1 can of chickpeas
¼ c. white wine
Crushed reds to taste
Lemon wedges, for serving
1 oz finely grated Pecorino Romano (or parmesean) (1/2 cup) plus additional for serving

1. Heat oil in a 12-inch heavy skillet over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking, then cook sausage, garlic and onion, breaking up any lumps with a spoon, until browned, 5 to 7 minutes.


2. Meanwhile, cook pasta in boiling water, uncovered, until al dente. Reserve 1 cup pasta-cooking water, then drain pasta in a colander.



3. With five minutes to go until the pasta is cooked, add kale and chickpeas to sausage in skillet and sauté, stirring frequently, until just tender, about 5 minutes. Deglaze with white wine, stirring and scraping up any brown bits from bottom of skillet







4. Add pasta and stir in cheese. Serve immediately, with additional cheese on the side.



You put the lime in the coconut

So I spent all yesterday and a good portion of today thinking about what I wanted to post tonight. I thought about homemade fried rice (coming soon to a blog near you) or these bizarrely awesome vegan banana bites (the key is lots of dark chocolate). But in the end I settled on this recipe I happened upon in the dusty depths of my computer for coconut lime chicken. It sounded easy and pretty tasty and I thought it might photograph well.

Not to brag, but I outdid myself a little bit. This shit makes PF Chang's look like PF Chumps. Actually I don't really like that place to begin with, but I can't begin to tell you how delicious this chicken is.

Made correctly, and it's nearly impossible to screw up, it's these crispy golden brown tenderloins smothered in a spicy curry sauce with just a hint of sweetness and a lot of lime juice.

It's kind of like a high-class Thai prostitute of a dish. Because it's hot and easy.

It was also the perfect dinner for tonight for a few reasons.

The first is that it's spicy, and it cleared my beshitted sinuses up in a minute.

The second is that it tastes like tropical comfort food, and I had a sort of ass day.

And I don't really have a third but as I was walking into the store this woman was in labor in one of the lanes of cars. Poor kid, imagine taking your first breaths in the parking lot of a Prince George's county Giant supermarket. Certainly a cut above Shoppers, but still. Not exactly a great start.


The great thing about this is that you can double or triple it for a crowd and it will be just as easy. Also, if you don't have cumin (and I don't really expect many of you to) you can just add a little more curry powder. The flavor won't be quite as nuanced but it'll still be good. Serve this with some brown rice and snow peas.

Lime-Coconut Chicken
Serves two

1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breasts or tenderloins
1/2 c. coconut milk
1 tbsp. soy sauce
1/2 tbsp. sugar
1/3 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. curry powder
Zest of 1 lime
1/2 tsp. Kosher salt
1 tbsp. oil
1/4 tsp. crushed red peppers (or to taste, depending on how spicy you like it)
1/4 c. parsley, roughly chopped
Lime wedges for serving.

1. Trim the fat from the breasts or tenderloins and pat dry.


2. In a medium bowl, combine all ingredients but the oil and parsley and whisk well to combine.








3. Marinate the chicken, covered, for up to two hours in the fridge.

4. Pour the marinade into a small heavy-bottomed saucepan and bring to a rolling boil, stirring occasionally so it doesn't burn. Boil for two minutes.

5. While the marinade is boiling, heat the oil in a saucepan. Place the chicken in the pan (don't overcrowd it) and cook, without turning, for several minutes. Flip the chicken and cook until both sides are golden brown.









6. Drain the chicken briefly on a paper towel and serve sprinkled with the parsley and the sauce and lime wedges on the side.

Hello again to all my friends

So you should probably yell at me.

Go on.

I can take it.

I've been basically the world's worst blogger. Like ever. Of all time. I suck, a little bit, at this blogging thing.

And I don't even have that great of an excuse besides school and working at the lovely and perfect and wonderful Make It Better magazine this summer. I just got lazy. And I deserve to be yelled at for that. Laziness is unacceptable.

So to make up for that, I promise to be a far more faithful blogger and I now bestow upon you a recipe for homemade pumpkin spice lattes.

I had my first one of the season today and I promised myself I wouldn't Instagram or tweet it but I didn't say shit about blogging. Therefore, I will now share my most precious secret with you. This recipe will blow your mind not only with its ease but also because it tastes exactly the same as the Starbucks version. But it's way cheaper. And you can control the pumpkinness and cinnamon quotients and also you can pile on the whipped cream because sometimes they're chintzy and it's a Monday and you NEED a lot of whipped cream on your flavored latte when it's a Monday.

Or really any other day of the week for that matter. It's whipped cream. It's the shit.

You can also make extra of this and keep it in a sealed jar in the fridge for a day or two and heat it up as needed. Any longer than two days and it might start tasting funky.


Anyway, please accept this recipe as my formal apology for being such a bad blogger. I promise to do better in future. I've been collecting a lot of great recipes that are almost ready to go up on here so if you haven't given up on me yet, don't. And thanks. You guys are the best.

Also: note the Alicante mug, damn I miss that place.

Homemade Pumpkin Spice Lattes
Serves two (or one extremely large mug, which is preferable)

2 c. of milk
1/2-3/4 c. strong brewed coffee
2 tbs. canned pumpkin
1 tbs. vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice OR 1/4 tsp. cinnamon + 1/4 tsp. nutmeg plus a little more for garnish
Whipped cream to taste

1. Combine all ingredients except the whipped cream in a small saucepan over medium heat.

2. Whisk well, until the pumpkin is incorporated throughout and the mixture is frothy.

3. Pour into a mug (or two) and garnish with whipped cream and a pinch of pumpkin pie spice or cinnamon.

Guess who's back?

So my fine lovely ladies and gents I took a rather long break from blogging while I was home after Spain to recharge my batteries and do absolutely nothing but watch Real Housewives of Miami and snuggle with my cats. I also chipped my front tooth but that's another story. Yes, I know you're jealous of my extremely awesome break.

In any case, now that the semester is about to kick off, the kitch is back to supply you with some supremely excellent fare for the coming months.

I don't usually apologize for things because I don't like doing it but I'm very sorry if I disappointed you by not making public my short break from BiteMe. It definitely doesn't mean I love you any less. I hope you didn't cheat on me with another  (obviously inferior) food blog during my time away.

Now without further ado, let's make some hummus bitches.

Yes, you read that right: hummus. Stop buying those tubs of overpriced slop in the grocery store because it takes about 10 minutes to make your own and it is unbelievably delicious. Also much healthier because it doesn't involve preservatives or weird hydrogenated oils.

If you don't have a food processor (and I highly suggest you buy one) you can mash all the ingredients by hand with a potato masher or a billy club. If you have a food processor you can just throw everything but the parsley in there and be done with it.

I like tempering the health-factor of the hummus with stacks of warm pita bread (Kronos brand is my personal favorite due to its fluffiness) but if you're absolutely no fun at all or happen to be gluten free, you can obviously use any sort of veggie as a dipping apparatus. Or you know, your finger. Or a spoon. I may or may not be guilty of doing both.

Ingredients:

1 15-oz can of chickpeas, liquid reserved
3 medium cloves of garlic, minced
Juice of 2 medium lemons
3/4 c. tahini (sesame seed paste found in most grocery stores)
1/2 tsp. kosher salt
1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper
1/4 c. finely minced fresh parsley

1. Combine all the ingredients except parsley in a food processor and pulse until the mixture is smooth but not runny. If you prefer your hummus a little thinner, add the reserved chickpea liquid a bit at a time. Feel free to adjust the flavors to your own personal liking (I like my hummus spicier but some people don't).

2. Serve sprinkled with the chopped fresh parsley.

London calling

Okay okay, I know I'm the worst blogger ever but it was finals week in Spain too so cut me some slack. Anyway, now I'm going to fill you in on the edible portion of my very cold weekend in London which was also the last of my trips during my time in Spain.

Wait, WHAT?

In unrelated news, I'm living through denial so Gina Spinelli if you're reading this COME BACK TO ME. And I know you're reading this because you are faithful to me and like food.

Fear of goodbyes aside, London was incredible. Freezing cold, but incredible. I could stay there a week and not get bored. I might just go broke and/or freeze to death. I wore leggings under my jeans in order to keep warm and two things happened.

The first is that I had difficulty bending my joints.

Blooming tea with friends at dim sum.

The second is that I found out what I would look like if I had an ass.



ANYWAY, food in London is no longer just stodgy puddings and Yorkshire things with "crackling" whatever that is. I think it might be deep-fried fat but I'm not sure. Tommy and I had some incredible Thai food and more than a few plates of incredible dim sum. We also did the classic pub food thing (well, Tommy did) and sampled fish and chips with mushy peas. They didn't come wrapped in newspaper but I guess you can't have everything.

We also wandered the exquisite food halls of Fortnum Mason and Harrods which were every food-related wet dream I have ever had rolled into one, beautifully decorated, seasonally appropriate ball.

So okay, from the beginning:

Tommy and I knew off the bat that we needed to go get some food with actual spice since Spaniards seem to have a fear of crushed red peppers. I wanted pad Thai and was willing to stop t almost nothing to get it and luckily for us there was a Thai restaurant about 10 minute's walk from our apartment called Busaba Eathai. It was pretty packed already and smoky with the good kind of incense (not the kind that smells like Occupy Wall Street protesters and patchouli) and we were all kinds of ready to chow down on our first exotic cuisine in months.









We ordered quickly: Thai calamari, green curry rice and chicken for Tommy and vegetarian Pad Thai for me as well as a virgin (that was the only way they offered it) grapefruit mojito and a coconut water with lychee.













Service was relatively quick and the food was AWESOME. Best calamari I've ever had, hands down. It was perfectly chewy and crispy and lemony and garlicky and basil-y and a little bit sweet. Give me more right now.

Tommy's green curried rice was really good with some nice heat to it but the chicken was totally ordinary and definitely paled in comparison to the way the rice soaked up the spicy-sweet flavor of the curry.

My vegetarian Pad Thai was also really good, with fresh green beans and baby broccoli mixed liberally with the noodles and bean sprouts. It wasn't super greasy which I really liked but it still wasn't as good as the classic Pad Thai from a restaurant near my house.

The coconut water was super refreshing and the lychee was evident and sweet but not overpowering. The mojito I thought was only okay because I'm not wild about the mint-grapefruit combo but Tommy really enjoyed it.

We capped off the evening with a cold tapioca dish that involved the best coconut ice cream I've ever had and some seriously delicious blackberry puree. The tapioca actually tasted a little salty to me at first which I wasn't so sure about but it married nicely with the sweetness of the ice cream and the tang of the berry puree.


Onto Fortnum and Mason's and Harrods because they aren't really indistinct enough to be their own separate paragraphs. Basically I just wanted to buy everything I saw including some Waygu beef from Harrods that was like over 100 pounds (currency) per ounce or something ridiculous like that. Being that it's holiday season however, there were just far too many people around for it to be a fully enjoyable experience. I did buy Tommy a chocolate macaron at F  and M so he would stop whining about the macaron I ate in Barcelona and didn't share with him. Tommy returned the favor by buying us three beautiful, seriously overpriced chocolates at Harrods and we were thoroughly disappointed.






We bought a pink champagne truffle, a coffee truffle and a Drunken Sailor which had rum and candied orange peel in it. I hated all three. The pink champagne truffle didn't taste a bit like champagne, ditto the coffee truffle not tasting like coffee. The Drunken Sailor was so alcoholic it didn't even taste good and the candied zest bits were soggy. And these three chocolates cost poor Tommy about 7 US dollars. Hideous.

Anyway, the second night we went and got dim sum with one of Tommy's friends from BU and it was so freaking good. We ordered almost exclusively off the appetizer page and ended up with: pineapple spare ribs, chicken and mango spring rolls, crab wontons, a bento box of surprise and fried rice with steamed shrimp and pork.



Ugh yum.

Best spare ribs I've ever had in my life, falling off the bone tender with this sauce that was perfectly sweet and savory at the same time. The pineapple kind of fell off but it was still good since it was soaked in the same sauce. I'd like a full rack of those now please.




The crab wontons and the spring rolls weren't really my favorites because they were a bit greasy for my taste and lacking in flavor but the mango sauce that came with the spring rolls was truly tasty and I could have eaten it with a spoon.

The fried rice was really flavorful by contrast with lots of small shrimp and chunks of chewy pork as well as fresh veggies and eggs.



The surprise bento box had a mixture of veggies (ginger, scallion, eggplant, carrot etc) and king prawn inside the same kind of wrapper that pot stickers are in. I think the king prawn package dipped in some spicy sauce was one of my favorite things I ate all trip.



The last night we found a cool little out of the way pub so Tommy could get some fish and chips. I couldn't eat anything I wanted on the menu since it was all deep fried but it was fine. Tommy's fish was a nice big serving of flaky white fish that was expertly breaded, not clumpy at all. There were some bones going on but not too many. The chips were sort of average and the mushy peas were totally boring. Like literally, just overcooked peas as far as I can tell. Yawn.

We also ordered an English pudding which seemed pretty advanced for the simplicity of the pub we were in. It started with a layer of apple-rosemary compote on the bottom followed by creme fraiche and topped with blackberry curd and crushed amaretto cookies. I know this sounds like a revolting combination but it all really worked nicely. The tartness of the creme fraiche played against the blackberry curd and the savory flavor of the rosemary added a cool level of depth while the amaretto cookies brought in some much needed crunch.



That's pretty much all of the culinary offerings we managed to sample in London but we also braved wine gums (taste like vegetables) and devoured way too much Cadbury Milk (better than Godiva).

Now it's time for our final dinner of lamb chops and champagne and off to the good old U S of A bright and early tomorrow.

Holy shit.

Sup, shorty?

To be totally honest, I have no idea what a 'shorty' is. I am the whitest white girl imaginable. I had to go on urbandictionary.com to find out what 'dime' meant. My dictionary of street colloquialisms could be comprised on a single note card. But anyway, I know the term exists and I couldn't think of anything else funny to say about these unbelievably dank peanut butter chocolate chip shortbread cookies I made so there you are. If someone would like to enlighten me as to what a shorty is and whether or not I can become one, please do so.


I really hate refrigerator cookies usually because in the time it takes to solidify the dough I am either
a. past the point of wanting to eat cookies because my patience is on par with that of a chimpanzee with ADHD or
b. about to rip the door off of the fridge so I can get at what will soon be the tastiest snack ever IF ONLY IT WILL HARDEN


But these were so easy they were worth the wait and you didn't have to wait suuuuper long, comparatively. Also our fridge is commonly part freezer due partially to shitty European appliances and partially to the sub-zero temperatures we have recently been experiencing.

I recommend making a double batch of these bad boys because they are so easy it won't take you any more time than making a single batch and also because these will FLY. They are some of the best cookies I have ever tasted, even the sort of burned ones that suffered at the hands of our wait for it...shitty oven.

Don't balk at the absurd amounts of fat and sugar in these cookies. It's what makes shortbread shortbread. Delicious, mind-blowing, world-peace-achieving short(y)bread.

Ingredients:

1 stick, (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, room temp
1/3 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/4 cup all purpose flour 
1/4 cup confectioner's sugar
scant 1/2 tsp sea salt
3/4 cup milk chocolate chips

1. Cream the butter and the peanut butter together in a stand mixer, with a hand mixer, or a wooden spoon.  Beat in the vanilla.

2. Whisk the dry ingredients together and add to the butter mixture. Mix until the dough comes together.






3. Stir in the chips, and turn the dough out onto a piece of waxed paper.  Gently pull the dough together and form it into a log.  If it is still crumbly, work it with your hands until it holds together smoothly. Roll it up in the paper, smoothing the shape as you go. Twist the ends securely and refrigerate for at least a couple of hours.

4. Slice the log into slices with a sharp knife, about 1/3 inch.  If a slice crumbles a bit, just mash it back together.

5. Bake on a parchment or silpat lined baking sheet at 325 for about 12-14 minutes.  The cookies will not be browned, and they may look undone, but don't overbake. Let the cookies cool on the pan for 5 minutes before transferring to a rack (REALLY).